its so satisfying to take my girls to the park and especially to watch Thalia romp and climb and play like a regular healthy toddler. trying to find the balance between hospital stuff and just being a child is kinda tough. she knows too much. she knows that an alcohol swab on her arm means a big needle is coming. she knows how to say ‘stethoscope’ and she knows where to put it. she knows where to find the basket of stickers in the IV room at the clinic, so after they draw her blood, she helps herself to fistfuls of dinosaur stickers. she knows how to carry her own IV lines so that she won’t step on them. she knows if she gets tangled on something to stand still and call for help. “mama, stuck! help help!” she knows where the blood pressure cuff goes and how to pump it up. she knows that when we go into a big room with lots of machines and monitors a big table with a blue sheet and people with masks on its time to scream.
so when we go to the park, i love seeing that she knows how to go down the big slide by herself. she knows that she can go through the red tunnel and stick her face out the hole and yell “mama! peek-boo!’ and she knows just how far away to stand from the spray at the splash pad to not get too wet but still be able to splash her feet. she knows how to say ‘one, two, tree, wee!” and then i push her on the swings. she knows that when the market is on, the lady who sells popsicles is under the yellow umbrella. im trying to be vigilant enough that cancer doesn’t take away her childhood, and that she still has plenty of time to just be two and to do what a two year old should be doing.