in the shower yesterday morning ,and i thought about how something had to give. theres no way i can keep up on everything, and 7 weeks in i have settled into a comfortable new… routine? maybe.
i cant slide on school. i can’t slide on readings, papers, classes, keeping up with all that stuff. i can’t slide on my girls or my family. the things that are sliding, are cleaning, chores, and eating proper food. we are dishing up noodles with butter on them far to often these days, because its the fastest thing and they will all eat it without a fuss. i want to get back to having better food around.
im sliding on feeding myself, on taking care of my body. which is why i found myself 5 pounds up and eating noodles out of a ziploc bag that i grabbed out of the fridge. its why i found myself eating a fish stick (???? seriously???) at my moms house. (they are awful. don’t bother trying it.) because it was the fastest thing i could pop in my mouth and then go back to the computer to keep trucking away at this paper. the measly 5 pounds doesn’t worry me – i am not even sure where it is, but its my first clue – i need to keep up with taking care of my body. which means not feeding it fish sticks anymore.
im going to be a midwife. midwives use their bodies all the time – they are a big tool. get down on the floor, upside down, then catch a baby. fold yourself into weird shapes in order to get a doppler on a mom who is on her hands and knees in the tub. hold up a mama while she pushes. carry giant hockey bags full of equipment up stairs at lighting speed. stay up for 20 hours and be okay. i need to keep up with all that, and thats going to have to start soon.