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i am eating cold noodles out of a plastic bag October 24, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:00 am

in the shower yesterday morning ,and i thought about how something had to give. theres no way i can keep up on everything, and 7 weeks in i have settled into a comfortable new… routine? maybe.

i cant slide on school. i can’t slide on readings, papers, classes, keeping up with all that stuff. i can’t slide on my girls or my family. the things that are sliding, are cleaning, chores, and eating proper food. we are dishing up noodles with butter on them far to often these days, because its the fastest thing and they will all eat it without a fuss. i want to get back to having better food around.

im sliding on feeding myself, on taking care of my body. which is why i found myself 5 pounds up and eating noodles out of a ziploc bag that i grabbed out of the fridge. its why i found myself eating a fish stick (???? seriously???) at my moms house. (they are awful. don’t bother trying it.) because it was the fastest thing i could pop in my mouth and then go back to the computer to keep trucking away at this paper. the measly 5 pounds doesn’t worry me – i am not even sure where it is, but its my first clue – i need to keep up with taking care of my body. which means not feeding it fish sticks anymore.

im going to be a midwife. midwives use their bodies all the time – they are a big tool. get down on the floor, upside down, then catch a baby. fold yourself into weird shapes in order to get a doppler on a mom who is on her hands and knees in the tub. hold up a mama while she pushes. carry giant hockey bags full of equipment up stairs at lighting speed. stay up for 20 hours and be okay. i need to keep up with all that, and thats going to have to start soon.



October 20, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 4:35 pm

tired today. really tired.

Thalia went to bed like normal. three hours later, when i snuck into bed with her and shifted her over, she stirred a bit. its is normal – she flips over, snuggles into me, has a milky snack, and then rolls over and goes back to sleep.

not yesterday.

last night she woke up. she sat up, perked up, and wanted to play. she flopped all over the place, squealed, played peek-a-boo – all at 11:45. she heard jim in the kitchen and said “dada? dada! dadadada!” and then climbed out of bed and went to find him. just as happy as can bee. perfectly well rested, since she just had a three hour nap.

so jim went to bed and me and thalia stayed up and watched a movie. i tried not ot look at the clock, because it was too depressing. but she was finally ready to sleep again at 3am. i tucked her into bed and crawled in beside her. 2 seconds later my alarm went off. got the girls out of bed. fell into the routine of getting them to school.

the whole day has been slow. Thalia is grumpy and sick with a fever on and off. she went down for an early nap and i joined her so we slept for half the day. woke up feeling slightly better, but now most of the day is gone and im still feeling groggy. its not a day for school work, or cleaning, or whatever. its a day for cuddling the baby and noodling around, pushing through all the laundry so we arent naked soon. (seriously. it was getting desperate)

my exam is over so thats nice. now i need to focus on my lit review, and then look at the next big paper. it’ll be fine, i’ve got a handle on it all still. but right now, thalia is a sad, snotty little girl with a big cough.


October 17, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 12:03 pm

today is crap

its grey. the sun never came up. i feel inherently sad and can’t shake it. i made plans to go out tonight with sondra, and then jim reminded me that actually he is going to the baseball game. so he will be gone all evening. then he will be gone tomorrow evening for hockey. then i will be gone wed evening for an exam and class, and then he will be gone thursday for more hockey. i think i hate hockey. i know i hate baseball.

i am supposed to be studying, or reading one of the 98 articles that i need to get through, but think what im going to do today is just opt out of everything. no laundry no scrubbing the toilet bowl no thinking about grocery shopping and at least for a little while, no studying. no reading 98 articles (read two yesterday) no answering the phone, no text messages. i am hunkering down and chilling out. i can take a hint – i will burn out soon if i am not careful.


October 14, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 5:41 pm

protein synthesis will be the death of me.

which is hilarious because its one of those crucial things that allow us to be alive in the first place.

how was today? i studied most of the morning, with little interruptions here and there. the youtube channel that got me through biology is now helping immensely with A&P.

i hang out with hank a lot, in my living room, with a grumpy baby on my lap. Hank teaches me about the layers of the epidermis while i eat my breakfast and take notes. hank is my buddy. my brother was here the other day and he said that hank is his buddy as well, and is a good friend to all his classmates in his science classes and he spends a lot of time with him at exam time.

when i realized that half the day was gone and i could no longer focus on anything that i was reading, i tracked down and printed out all those damn readings. I categorize my readings into two groups – so many pages that they cannot be stapled together, or fewer pages and can be stapled together. they tend towards the ‘cannot be stapled’ really. i get excited if i find one that is less than 15 pages.

got the diapers washed. took thalia out to a grocery store and out to run a few errands for the last hour before it was time to pick up the girls. traded off with jim, gave him the car so he could go downtown. got the girls from school, whipped up a cake super fast before anyone interrupted me (god i love my stand mixer)

and now! i just got distracted by putting away some laundry and feeding thalia half an avocado and puttering around tidying up small things. not that it makes a difference, really.


all successes October 10, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 2:45 pm

i read all the studies for my lit review, and picked hte ones i am going to work with. i looked up what i need to read for nadyas class, and its SEVEN ARTICLES HOLY FUCK. (it is because i secretly questioned why there was five last week, i know it) how can i possibly read them and keep them all straight? all these readings blur together. i want to try one week, just once, not reading them and see what happens. the positive is that with seven to read, i can surely knock out another critical reflection this week as well.

i got a lot of anatomy done this weekend. caught up mostly on the concept maps, awhat is reamining i need my textbook to do. and now what is left is studying. exam coming up soon and she promises to be fair, but quite detailed. i get the sense that this prof means business.

for the lit review, i also need my textbook at this point to continue on further. i dont have either text with me so im taking a break from it all, eating leftover toast to save it from the green garbage bin, remembering that i havent drank enough water today and am starting to get a headache, stretching out my shoulders and checking in on my baby who is having the worlds longest nap that im starting to think maybe she died. (she didnt. i peeked in on her and can see/hear her breathing.)

i am in between knitting projects right now so have nothing to occupy my hands. i am trying to get a lightweight cardigan project on the go,but the fist part of knitting a thing involves knitting a small piece, counting the stitches,  testing it out and lots of measuring and math, which is not something i can do while learning about the functions of the organelles inside a human cell.

what should i do now? back to anatomy i guess. i’ll see how that goes. mostly my brain feels fried right now, but i’ll see if i cant eke out a bit more time before the worlds longest nap is over.


October 6, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 3:49 pm

I’m antsy today. Spent the morning writing a reflection paper, then went for lunch with jim and a couple of friends, jim went to work and me and thalia came back uptown, thalia napped, i’m picking up the girls in like 10 minutes. then jim gets home at puts on the blue jays game, then goes to hockey. yes, i do still find this slightly poopy.

meanwhile i feel like i need to get more work done, and then more cleaning done, and get ready to face this long weekend full of family things. set up a plan for keeping up on anatomy – midterm coming up wicked fast. then theres some sort of literature review? and some big presentation in November…. oy. Gotta keep on top of this.


successes October 4, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:14 pm

i had the girls all to myself this afternoon. jim went straight from work, out for dinner with his dad and then to the blue jays baseball game. i called him a poop when he left this morning for spending the whole day away and leaving me for the chaos time, but in reality it went fine. i picked them up from school, we walked to the pharmacy and then to the bank and then went home and made a plan. they asked to make ginger cookies and then watch a movie. the whole evening – cookies, dinner, (they even ate it! amazing!) and movie and then bed time went smoothly. the kitchen is trashed and im trying to motivate myself to go deal with it. at least put the food away. i’m torn between wanting a clean kitchen to wake up to in the morning and leaving it for jim to deal with. because he’s a poop.

really i should be reading this one last article. i am kinda hoping i can get to it in the morning but that may be tricky depending on how thalia is.

i will write my critical reflection during my break tomorrow, and i have already gone over the anatomy stuff so tomorrows classes will go smoothly. i will use thurs to type up my reflection, and maybe make another anatomy map. on friday we are all ducking out of class early, the tutorials have been canclled and the prof is going to walk us over to the human rights tribunal that ontario midwives are fighting in right now. midwives are asking for equal rights and equal pay to male doctors, and the trial has been going on for weeks. we get to go and sit in on a piece of it and hear the most senior midwives speak.