turns out, going flat-out will get you a sore throat. who knew!?
i have a handle on this school thing. it is hard. it is a lot of work. but if i sacrifice ever having a clean home again, it’ll be fine. that is a good sacrifice i think – i feel like i am getting the better deal here. the place can be a mess and i can be a midwife. good deal.
its chilly and it makes me want wooly things. i sat on the floor of the girls room, reading a paper about how colour-blind racism, post-feminism and christionormativity intersect to make big abstract problems for lots of marginalized people (really. how is this going to help me get babies out of bodies!?) and while i worked my way through that giant chunk of academic-ness, the window was open and a crisp fresh breeze kept coming in and washing over my shoulders. its lovely.
its bright and clear and sunny today. i have eaten food and the girls have eaten food and everybody is doing well, except for thalia who is a grumpy, sad baby with a runny nose and, i suspect, a copy of my sore throat. she slept so badly. she had a fever and woke up every 0.2 seconds to scream – just flat-out scream. all i could do was cuddle her and stroke her hair and rub her back and love her all up and wipe her tiny nose. she wanted to lay flat out on top of me – arms and legs dangling down to the side, hot little face pressed into my chest and wrapped in the sheets just like that. i think we slept a little while like that. jim very smartly left at the first sign of trouble and spent the night on the couch.
i had that feeling like i was going to crash – like i had been going flat-out for too long and i had to pull up soon or else it would all become a huge mess. i managed that. it was simple really – at the family dinner on Thurs i snuck away to a quiet room and read some other paper (decolonizing antiracisim this time…. again… babies out of bodies? how will this realistically help?) stepping away from the exhausting social family obligations was the right thing to do. jim sought me out and kept bringing me cookies. i got most of the paper finished and i recharged a bit.
i am happy to stay home today and noodle around. one paper down for this week, four to go. then theres all the slides to look at for anatomy, (it looks like im heading towards ‘drowning’ status soon for that one), finish up the project/presentation due wed, make up a handout for the class and coordinate with k so that we are done on time. maybe i’ll knock off another one later today. theres a dozen other things as well but i feel like today i have the luxury of letting them slide for the moment.
back to it. anatomy slides for as long as thalia allows.