11:30 really does seem to be the new breakfast time. its when I have had a chance to sit down and eat something most mornings. Today it was get the girls to camp, then get a handle on the day, make a plan of attack for everything that we need to gt done, discuss skating lessons for the girls with jim, then take thalia to have a bath. she plays in the water and i am determined to do SOMETHING useful with this little pocket of time I have, so i scrub the floor and the side of the tub. there, thats something at least.
Jim takes her to nap. I think they are both asleep actually, as I haven’t heard anything for a while. i get some breakfast, turn a blind eye to the state of the kitchen (food first. kitchen later) and sat down to eat and quickly checked through my emails, caught up with the status of all the other part-time students for midwifery (so many of us are trying to work out our courses right now and we are all trading info and tips and “guys, i figured it out, this is how you find it” notes).
tuesday fell apart. in hindsight i can see that it was going to happen, that the crazy train was off the rails all day, and i was getting hints the whole day that it was going to end with me being a delusional basket case trying to hurt myself at 2 am. (which it did.) i don’t know what happened. but whatever, the next day was back to normal and everything seems fine now. taking meds doesn’t eliminate every one of my bad days, it leaves me with one every couple months, which i can live with. the important thing is recognizing that its happening and trying to pull out early. trying to recognize the lies for what they are – lies. i actually feel like i am a different person than i was on Tuesday. I believe different things (aka, things from reality) than i did then.