lets see how far i can get this time before thalia climbs into my lap. shes actually trying to disassemble the spinning wheel right now.
- i am going to be a midwife. this is pretty neat.
- i am going back to school in four weeks and taking three classes- anatomy and physiology, working across differences in midwifery, and either an elective or another course called critical appraisal of research literature. that last one sounds like a good class to take to become a better person, but a really, soul-sucklingly dull one to get through.
- i am wiped out. we have had many social things and been busy and we all really needed a quiet stay at home day only in each others company. i had a nap, then we filled up the baby pool and all the girls got in and splashed around in ankle-deep water. thalia got in, then out, then in, then out. she was really focused on climbing over the edge, and it obviously took her a lot of focus and coordination to do so, so all she wanted to do was keep practicing. made dinner and ate outside on a blanket to have a ‘picnic’. a picnic where thalia kept stealing food from peoples plates.
- then we all came inside and ate ice cream on the couch while watching a BBC documentary about mountains and the animals who live in them. the girls are old enough now that they enjoy these shows. cordelia in particular asks thoughtful, complicated questions and wants to learn everything.
- being a midwife and going back to school means that i am moving away from some things. i am not a doula any longer. i can’t risk doing birth work while at school because i can get charged with “practicing midwifery without a license” and have my schooling and my potential future license revoked before we even get this show on the road. tynan and sondra will have to figure out what to do with the collective, to keep it going as a duo or add in someone else. i feel like i am abandoning them a little bit. i will not fit into the same circles as before. I don’t know if we will still run henna and plaster casting workshops, go to evening talks to promote doulas, continue going to workshops myself, or whatever. that part of my life is probably gone. those people might drift away.
- i am scared of this midwifery thing. its going to be hard and i am going to doubt myself. i am going to want to quit. i am going to get depressed and sad and overwhelmed. i am going to convince myself that i have made a mistake, that the school has made a mistake, that i tricked everybody.
- I’m also really proud of myself for pulling this off. so many good things have fallen into my lap, and i am trying to remember that i worked for them and that i deserve them.
- jim has been extra lovely recently. as a partner, as a dad, as a guy who takes it upon himself to do all the dishes – just really great.
- i am pretty sure that thalia is trying to talk. i have heard ‘dada” in the right context a few times, and the same for “mama” and something that i suspect is the beginnings of “down” and maybe “done”. jim swears he heard a rather butchered attempt at “coco” the other day as well.
- she is picking up signs really fast. teach your babies to sign! it is fantastic. i can have a real conversation with my 12-month old. she can tell me that she heard the cat at the door. she can tell me that her cup of water is empty. she can tell me that she is thirsty or that she wants to share my pasta. its absolutely awesome. she can sign cat, milk, all done, ceiling fan (its a weird one, but she points at it all the time while we are on the bed so i taught her the sign) Coco and dog. Shes really on the brink of mom, dad, water, and Blaze. give it a few more days and we’ll have those ones as well. its a really neat peek into what her brain is up to and what shes thinking, and she can tell us with signs. when shes falling asleep she sometimes runs through her entire lexicon of signs. like how you work through something in your head that happened that day before you sleep as well.
- we were at kristys the other day and kept catching myself signing at lucy. she doesn’t understand, but i’m so used to all the babies around me who do, that i do it automatically now. all three of mine sign. my neighbours kid signs. Sloan signs.
- we went to my aunts house for dinner last night. we got there early enough for the girls to swim in their pool for a while, which is early enough to help prepare dinner. i like preparing food with people, that whole communal community act thing.
- my aunt has a dog, a toy poodle, and when we pulled into the driveway he started barking inside the house. thalia looked at me, lit up and signed “cat”. how cool is that? she was able to say “i hear a cat!”and then point to the house. “theres a cat in there!” when she saw him, she kept telling me “cat, cat, cat” we taught her the sign for dog. she took to it within 20 minutes really, but she was really interested in him the whole night and every time she saw him she would squeal and tell me “cat! dog! cat! dog!” really grappling with that new concept. he is black and cat sized, so to her he is obviously a cat, just like our black and cat-sized cats.
- while we were watching the BBC show, a cougar came onto the screen. thalia sat up and bounced, pointed at the TV, signing, “cat! cat!”