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still waiting. April 22, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 8:05 am

i am waitlisted.

i will never be done waiting. how likely is it to get off the waitlist and be offered a spot? i have no idea. probably very slim. people put so much effort into this, they try year after year after year to get in. who is going to give up their spot once they get in?

i know the waitlist is short. they keep it short so that they don’t raise unnecessary hopes. they have like 5 people on it. the last five that hey wish that they could have squeezed into the program.

the waitlist continues on until the first week of September before it is dissolved.

we had plans that were hinging on this result – do we move? buy a house? if jim gets a full-time position do we go to waterloo? all of that was supposed to be sorted out. its not. we still have no plan.

the waitlist means that they wanted me in their program they just didn’t have enough space.  they wanted me to be there because i am good enough but they are trapped by the numbers game.

tonight is jims dads birthday party. oh, let me list all the reasons that i do not want to attend! sucks being an adult with grown-up obligations. i know i said that i would try to live without obligations and i do try, but this seems like one that i really cannot get out of. i think it will do more harm in the long run to not go. but now, people will ask me’did you hear back yet?’ and i will say ‘yes i am on the waitlist’ then they will say something stupid and unhelpful. and i don’t want to have to explain it to him and have him gently pat me on the shoulder in a totally awkward manner (i really, really hate when he tries to touch me. it makes my skin crawl. i actually have a physical aversion.) and say something dumb.


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