springtwist

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fever January 28, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:03 pm

sucks to be the third.

yesterday she was acting a little bit strange and i idly said “i wonder if you are getting sick?” then forgot about that. and today, she woke up feeling a bit warm and she was unsettled. i put her in the carrier and she gradually got more and more uncomfortable and cried while i got the girls dressed and brushed their hair. Jim got home from tutoring (he is meeting teenagers pre-school for tutoring now, like at 7:30 am, good god) in time to take over and take the girls to school for me so i took thalia to bed. she went to sleep. i showered.

by the time i got out the shower she was yelling and jim was trying to console her. “shes really hot” he said when he handed her to me.

its difficult to help her when she has a fever. its inside her body and she wants me to fix it, but i cant. i convinced her to swallow some tylenol, stripped all her clothes off and laid her out on my chest with a light blanket over her. then its just about comforting her as much as possible until the tylenol kicks in. so im trying to hold her and stroke her hair and sing and shes thrashing around yelling because she cant get comfortable and it feels shitty.

shes asleep again in my arms wrapped in cordelias baby quilt. somehow, all my girls have been given baby quilts. my friend at university made this one for cordelia. my friends mom made blazes. a woman in nova scotia made thalias and it was bought from the quilt store in mahone bay. i actually even have jims baby quilt, which his grandmother made him.

my application showed up at ryerson so i don’t need to worry about that anymore. so long as my transcripts have arrived it’s all fine.

when i decided that i was going to get a spinning wheel, after thinking about it for two years, i told everyone to pitch in for my wheel fund for christmas. my brother gave me an envelope with cash and this picture on the front

 

isnt she great? i put the photo on my cork board so i can remember what my destiny is, now that i own a wheel. i wonder if she had any teeth? i wonder if she was sweet and charming and full of wisdom, or if she was a grumpy old bat?

my wheel shipped from kansas and it comes with tracking (!!!) which means that this is happening:

https://xkcd.com/281/

i know that it made it to chicago last night and was sorted and processed. it could be over the boarder by now! it could be driving up the highway! the anticipation is like a 5 year old waiting for christmas.

i learned something neat and totally random about earthworms the other day. they dont come up out of the ground when it rains because they are afraid of drowning, like we were all taught 20 years ago. they breathe through their skin so they can survive in water for two weeks so long as it has enough oxygen in it. they come up out of the ground because its damp enough to travel above ground without drying out. they can go long distances (for a worm at least) on wet, cloudy days, faster than they can go underground.

edit: WHEEL CROSSED THE BOARDER. its made it through customs as of 5pm this evening. god online package tracking is so fun. I want to order more things with package tracking just to watch their process.

 

January 19, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 5:37 pm

http://hevria.com/rivka/understanding-self-harm/

so good.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 2:58 pm

had a quiet day yesterday followed by a flurry of baking in the afternoon. i made a bazillion “banana” (very ripe plantain that jim picked up from the ‘last chance’ rack at the grocery store)  muffins for the girls lunches. naturally, they don’t like them. now i have a bazillion muffins to eat by myself.

today the sun was bright and clear and the rainbow maker has been ticking along for most of the day. its in my bedroom window right now where it gets the most sun. it has the added bonus of keeping babies entertained. thalia likes to lay on the bed and talk to he rainbows as they cycle across the ceiling. this morning after her first nap, i heard her chatting away to something instead of just calling me. and i went and peeked, and there was a cat sitting in the window and thalia was making a one-way conversation with her. bindi, for the record, didnt give a shit, but thalia was happy about the whole exchange at least.

cleaned the kitchen – seriously this time. stove, behind the sink, back splash, microwave. cleaned out the guinea pigs and the cat litter. between the pigs cage, pigs ‘playpen’ area and two cat litter boxes, i am cleaning at least one of those every day. i like the system i have right now where the pigs have old towels for bedding that i switch out every 2-3 days or so.  it means one small-ish extra load of laundry a week which is annoying, but its far better than buying bedding from the pet store all the time. guinea pigs poo an awful lot. i suppose that all strict herbivores do. but when i did have a bag of bedding i cleaned out their bedding every three days, so this is no different. two layers of towels and a layer of fleece. the pee soaks through the fleece instantly and is absorbed by the towels.

i watched one of them lazily eat her own poo the other day. thanks for cleaning up after yourself a little bit, i guess. this is also a strict herbivore trait – it doesn’t all get digested the first time through, may as well pass it back a second time.

this morning there was ice on the inside of the widow behind the computer. ICE. on the INSIDE.  this old house leaks hot air like a sieve. its so cold here in the mornings the girls are shivering if they come out to eat breakfast without getting dressed first. its working to my advantage because they are willing to get dressed without a battle these days and we have been getting to school with plenty of spare time.

three loads of laundry done yesterday, diapers and guinea pig laundry to go today. it never ends.

 

 

January 18, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 12:45 pm

took thalia for her 6 month vaccines (6 months?!) and she was all chatty and happy to hang out with the dr UNTIL! until he held her leg in the ‘vaccine position’ where you fold her leg up and press her knee into her belly to keep her thigh still. that and the alcohol wipe, and she looked at me with the ‘please rescue me’ expression and her eyes welled up. she started to cry before he had a needle in his hand.

babies do remember. she knew exactly what was coming.

now shes gone down for a big nap. i am so tired today. stayed up later than i should have because of a couple of things that needed attention, and then being woken up a few times at night by a hungry snuggle of baby and then cordelia came to see me about half an hour before my alarm went off.

yesterday was busy and saturday was as well. i might take today to watch a show and maybe nap and keep it slow.

 

fleece January 14, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:55 am

oh my.

IMG_4641

a box of fluff showed up at my door yesterday and I was not disappointed. its amazing. the little baby curls are so sweet. the lamb had been culled and eaten two years ago but his/her baby fleece is now in my living room. that’s a bit weird actually. but also makes me want to keep sheep in the future. maybe like 5 or 6, to cut our lawn and supply me with wool and lamb stew.

IMG_4640

unit 1-4 are done. I am consistently getting about 90% on this bio course even if it is a huge pain in the ass and I don’t actually understand it. Today i am going to say “enough is enough” about my letter and print it and get my package done and get it mailed. And now that i wrote that on the internet then i need to hold myself accountable to it. then i am going to give it a day or so to get unit 4 marked and then i am going to get a transcript sent from online bio to ryerson.

heres a random photo of thalia trying to reach mats and mats intentionally keeping his distance. he just turned 9 a few months ago. he is wise in the way of babies – he knows they are loud slobbery fur-pulling smelly things.

IMG_4643

 

EDIT: got a bunch of stuff done today. cleaned out the guinea pigs first thing. we took the AC out of thee window so its not so drafty. washed the windows because a lot of outside nature had made its way over the two years that the AC has been installed. finished up the most recent skein of yarn and put it away.  jim made sure that three loads of laundry got done. i cleaned the kitchen, ‘vacuumed’ the fish tank (sucked up the sludge from the gravel) and changed the water. nearly finished the paperwork for my application package, printed my letter (i WILL NOT read it. if i read it over i’ll want to fuss over it some more) so that is so close to being done.

girls are home, they are immersed in a game together pretending to be a baby and a caregiver… and there is a pet raccoon? thalia is sleeping on my lap and she is so snotty and congested and grumpy these past couple days. shes snoring right now because her nose is all stuffy. i am going to go try to put her down in bed, bring up the laundry and find something nice to do for a little while before i make the girls dinner.

 

January 10, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 12:05 pm

i just found this. its from july 1st

“two days ago in the afternoon I had some “okay time to pay attention” contractions. They get stronger each time. These were the “squeeze your eyes shut and try not to panic” ones. We are moving along the spectrum from discomfort towards pain, but I’m not quite there yet. It carried on for almost three hours, then went away again. A little hint of them the next morning again.

then yesterday evening – i was sleeping and woke up around 5 with even stronger contractions. the ones that make it harder to walk – still possible, but harder. (when it becomes impossible to walk, we are there) and i would call it ‘pain’ at this point. i really thought that this might be it. it went on for a few hours i shut myself in the bedroom with the birth ball and a heating pack on my back. it picked up, then went away, then picked up, then went away.
 
then went away and didn’t pick up again, which was around 9. and it was over.
 
im fucknig pissed off. This going in and out of early labor is tedious. Now its every day, sometimes all day. But what I need to remember is that my body is conveniently pacing itself – its doing a lot of the prep work ahead of time, a little bit at a time so that when I finally do get into serious active labor, it will be fast. Probably very, very fast. Everything is being stretched, opened and probably my cervix is tipping forward into “go” position right now with these days full of slightly less gentle squeezes. That’s hours of work I don’t have to do on the actual day.
 
Whenever that is.
 
The tricky part will be knowing when to call it and say “yes this is real labor this time” because everyday I feel it, and every day I just wait for it to go away. One day it just won’t go away. But because some days it takes 6 hours to go away, I expect I will be second guessing it until her head hits my perineum. I will believe it then.”

thats actually exactly how it went as well. when i went into real labour, it was a two-hour long process. when i caved in and said “call the midwives back” i didn’t know it but there was a head about half an inch away from my perineum. if she hadnt gotten her head bumped up against the last little edge of my cervix, jim would have caught her before the midwives arrived. thats the only thing that slowed her down.
 

typing with one hand some more

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 11:51 am

i want to have this application in the mail in five days. thalia has reached the point where laying on the floor playing with toys doesn’t cut it. she wants to be where i am. (perhaps she likes receiving 2 dozen kisses in one go every 10 minutes?) she is copying us now, in so many ways. when i eat she stares at me with intense focus and moves her mouth, making chewing motions. jim was holding her on his lap and trying to type (always an overly-optimistic idea) and she threw herself forward and wanted to mash all the keys too.

its becoming pretty clear that Cordelia has been gifted with some of my anxiety. this is one of the things i was scared of the most about having kids – passing this shit on to someone who did nothing to earn it. who did nothing to deserve it. she has always had a touch of a normal level of anxiety, (blaze seems to have none) but in the past month or so its turned into something specific – something too big for her to handle that just explodes out and makes her freeze in her tracks.

im not sure how to handle it. i don’t want to label is as a big issue for her, i don’t want to give it a name yet until its pretty clear that its a debilitating, abnormal problem. i just want to teach her some tools she can use to reign it in. i dont know yet if its going to be a huge problem, and i feel like treating it as if it were could just create that problem. and telling her that she has a problem will make her act like she has a problem. as in, she will shy away from things thinking “i cant do that”. its too new right now for me to categorize it yet.

its started to become anxiety about something concrete. i found a hip scarf with the jingly coins on it in one of the drawers of stuff my mom has for event planning gigs and showed it to the girls. they loved it, naturally. blaze put it on and we put on music and blaze danced and danced. when it was cordelias turn she screamed. she really wanted to do it. she really really wanted to put on that bright red jingly thing and make noise and dance. and she couldn’t do it. Jim asked her “but dont you think that dancing would make you feel happier?” and she yelled at him, “yes! but im just too scared!”

so we all left the room. we left her with the music on and she danced by herself, very tentatively, provided nobody came to look at her.

theres been a couple more instances like that, where shes hit a wall of anxiety that shes never hit before and she doesn’t know how to handle it. right now im just watching for where it takes her and we are both teaching her ways to work with it.

looks like the fish might fall asleep in my lap. maybe i can get back to finishing up bio right now. i have one question left – one question! – before i can send in these two units to be marked. though its a very big question and will take an hour i expect. this application will be done and in the mail in 5 days.