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December 24, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:30 am

having all these people home all the time means that the place is trashed. all the time. between me and jim, someone was cleaning literally all day yesterday. and when i got up this morning, the girls had deconstructed the living room and couch to play in.

there’s a lot of stuff still left.
– more bio (into unit 3 now, coming up on the halfway mark in good time)
– pick up a few last-minute presents, something for baby lucy
– get family pictures printed and framed by tomorrow
– last little bit of tidy up around here – i want to finish mopping the floors and sweep the hallway, which has tumbleweeds of cat hair in the corners.
– get the last of the laundry up from the basement before we get yelled at and get it all away.
– now that the girls have pulled the cushions off the couch, i can see that i really need to vacuum it.

i need to make room in this little apartment for all the crap that i know is coming. i’ve been shifting a lot of stuff out slowly, but i have a massive bag in my bedroom right now that needs to leave. i have some of the girls old toys jammed in my closet that need to go, without the girls seeing them on the way out.

when i went to go to bed last night the guinea pigs stood up and yelled at me. they were out of hay. i grabbed them a big handful of hay and some greens for good measure. i love having an animal that can tell me its hungry and speak up for itself. this is why my houseplants die. they sit there quietly and don’t make their needs obvious.

the sky is a deep, dark grey in the north. maybe our snow if coming.


December 21, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:51 pm

so much busy!

i have lists and lists and lists. lists on paper, lists on the computer, lists in my phone. theres not enough time to get through it all. some things will have to be allowed to slip i think.

Jim took all the girls out to the grocery store so i could wrap things and clean up. the place is trashed – having the girls out of school and home is disastrous on my attempts to keep us somewhat neat and tidy in here.

this song hits me.

not because of jesus, but because of mary. jesus and me? yeah, whatever. i dont care. but mary is someone i can find some peace in for sure. mother to mother.

the saviour? who cares. that woman on the sidelines who raised him? the woman who gave up her sleep, and her sanity, and her body, her social life, her ability to get things done with two hands in order to love and nurture her son? i get it. we could be pals, me and mary. we could go out for tea and talk about baby poo and laundry together. i could text her and say ‘i didnt sleep last night, thalia has a fever’ and she could say ‘yep. i know how that is. you’ll get through it. try to have a nap today’.

how was your labour, mary? how did you feel when you first saw your babes face, all damp and covered in vernix? how does he sleep? are you coping okay? did you get cracked nipples, did you bleed? does he sometimes poo all up his back and in his hair too? has he ever barfed all over you?

its lovely that she gets a song about her – give the gal some recognition! that saivour would have been a delinquent and a hooligan if his mama hadn’t raised him up properly.


sick babies are not fun December 15, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 12:38 pm

powered through bio, got to the end of photosynthesis and finished the “homework” component. i have one section to go before unit 2 is finished, i am closer than i thought. i still need to go back and finish cellular respiration though. if it takes as much effort and focus as photosynthesis then i do not care to go back and do it right now. the only reason i understood photosynthesis was becasue jim took like two hours out of his evening to teach it to me, and i watched a dozen youtube videos over and over again. so much energy! please, would someone explain to my why i need to understand photosynthesis to apply to be a midwife? this is a bit dumb.

i WISH that by putting a million hours into this damn course that i could improve my chances of getting in, but its not true. all im doing is getting a good mark so that i can even apply. if i was increasing my chances i would be able to stomach all this effort much better.

at least im good at working on my own like this.

sick babies are so cuddly. they are like snotty hot water bottles set at a constant temperature of 101 F. thalia smells sour – i can smell the sickness and the fever on her, like i can my other girls. last night she stayed up with us while we finished the last 40 minutes of the movie we started like a week ago. she fell asleep eventually, lying spread out on the couch. i cupped my hands around her burning hot head and stroked my fingers through her rabbit-soft hair and she slowly, gently, closed her eyes and melted clean away.

i am so tired today. probably thats why bio was so rough to get through. we woke up at night way too much. jim slept on the couch so at least one of us could get a good nights sleep. my alarm went off at 7:30 and i made sure the girls were up and eating breakfast. then i thought “i’ll just get up in like 10 minutes…. i can stay here for 10 minutes…” then i looked at my phone and it was 8:10. miraculously, we made it to school on time.

i let her fever just run its course overnight and today she is much better. still sicky, but more cheerful. yesterday she was quiet and sad, today she is chatty and smiling. not 100% back to her normal self, but much improved.

yesterday when jim left in the morning, he went down the back steps then come back up again. “ky? theres a very sick raccoon out here, can you call animal control?” i came to look. there was indeed a very sick raccoon. walking in circles, head to the ground at a funny angle, skinny, dirty, tripping and falling to his right side often. his bum was damp where he kept falling to the side.

jim walked right up to him and raccoon didnt even look up or acknowledge him or show any sign that he knew that jim was right there. we kept the cats in and called torontos animal services. apparently rabies and distemper have been on the rise this year for raccoons.  raccoon got himself into the garage and then, because he was going in circles, couldnt really get out again. the truck came and picked him up. its a one-way trip to a stainless steel table and an incinerator i expect. nobody is going to do anything about rabies/distemper/brain parasite/poisoning or whatever the fuck was wrong with him other than to put him down. he was dead already – whether he starved, got hit by a car, attacked by a dog or injected on a stainless steel table, he was already dead. the stainless steel table method at least removes the prospect of the dog attack – then the dog gets rabies or wherever and the cycle continues.

when i went to bed last night i saw two raccoons on the deck. big, fat, rolly-polly healthy ones. they are ballsy and they come right up to peer through the window at us. such a big contrast between them and sick raccoon with the messed up brain that we saw in the morning. these fatties could hardly pull themselves up the railing and up to the roof. maybe that sick one was a sibling of theirs.


December 12, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:03 am

the guinea pigs are very fun. i’m starting to get to know them and the cats are starting to get used to them. the pigs are starting to get used to us as well. they don’t think they are dying every time i pick them up. they know that in the morning when i pick them up, we are going somewhere fun with fresh greens.

black pig is very cuddly. every time i pick her up she settles down in my lap, totally content to be patted nose-to-bum forever. white pig doesnt like being carried. shes okay to sit in my lap but carrying her from cage to living room makes her nervous and she nips my arms. she will sit for a little while but doesn’t like her head being touched very much.

this morning when i put them in their play pen thing they bounced around in circles squeaking, knowing that breakfast was coming. cilantro! red peppers! how exciting!

today – cordelias rock climbing, me, thalia and blaze go to the market. i am going to talk to wendy about buying half a cow and some hay for the guinea pigs. i bought them a bag of hay for something like $12 and we have had them for a week and half the bag is gone. i am not buying two bags of hay at ~$12 twice a month if i can get it from my farmers instead. even if wendy asked for $12 for the same amount of hay, i would be much more likely to pay her the money than give it to a pet food company.

jim texted his dad ‘what can we get pippa for christmas?’ and he responsed, and i am directly quoting, “pippa says what she’d like most for christmas from you is better communication and responses or acknowledgements to her infrequent messages to you. as for something tangible i’m sure if you just use your imagination and get something small and thoughtful it will be great.”

what a huge ass. we are offering to buy her a christmas present, and you be passive-aggressive and rude about it? lump of coal it is then!

the issue is that pippa thinks that she is the most important person in the universe. when thalia was born she sent jim a text or an email or something, saying ‘congrats on the birth!’ or something. jim didn’t reply. jim doesn’t reply to much actually, unless you ask him a direct question or are obviously looking for a response, he doesn’t reply. coupled with the birth of a baby? well, jim didnt reply to her. i wouldn’t have expected a reply to that sort of situation if it was me. we didnt know this was a problem.

until months later. when it became obvious that this was indeed a big problem. when jim found out he laughed and laughed and laughed. he said to me, “pippa is crazy. so sorry if the birth of my daughter wasn’t more about her.”


December 6, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:56 pm

unit 1 of bio completed and sent in. i need to:

-finush unit 2
-finish unit 3
-finish unit 4
-finish unit 5
-take exam
-write personal letter for ryerson
-see if ryerson wants any reference letters
-mail a cheque to cawthra
-check that my transcripts made it to ryerson
get U of T to send my transcript

i feel like there should be more stuff for this application, but i have actually done a lot of it already.

theres a baby sleeping in my arms, using my breast as a pillow and the occasional snack. the girls are out with jims dad and i can sit here and push through some bio today. so long as the snacking-breast-pillow remains acccessible.

i am very tired. jenny came over last night and we all stayed up too late. Jenny says she’s going to talk to the people she knows at two other schools and get jim a foot in the door tutoring other deaf students. four years of ASL class might just amount to something.

after i’ve used ASL for a few hours i find it really hard to switch back. if my mom talks to me, i want to answer her in sign. sondra wants to put it on the website – a signing doula! i dont feel i am quite ready to lead a family through a medical environment though. im not fluent, i dont want to get cocky.

the piggies are sweet. we assume they are sisters. one is nearly all black with a white stripe down her nose, she has been dubbed thistle. she is sleek and a bit smaller than her sister. the other is black and white – white body, black bum, black head and shoulders, same nose stripe.  jim wanted to name her tapir, i suggested Holstein.  obviously those names arent going to fly with a four-year old. blaze went with panda. blaze insists that raspberry is her middle name and suki is her last name. panda raspberry suki. they are both 8 months. they make great noises and i like watching them vacuum up strands of hay like the lady and the tramp spaghetti scene.

the woman at the humane society was really lovely. the kind of person that i want to be when i grow up. when we walked in to see her and do our interview and do all the paperwork, the first thing she did was get out some markers and some rabbit colouring pages. the girls get into their meticulous tunnel-vision colouring zone and the adults got on with the boring stuff.

a bit too tired to compose a decent entry. i’ll see if im a bit to tired to focus on bio.


taking stock December 2, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 2:11 pm

i shoved a few things around – stuck the cat litter box under the desk for starters, and then moved the end table that used to be beside the couch out of the way. its going to the basement. dragged both of the little bookshelves out of our room. the first one went where the end table used to be, next to the couch. the second one, slimmer and prettier, is currently in the hallway.

the school is making a music wall for the kindergarteners. they are taking donations of pots, pans, cookie sheets, wooden spoons etc. brilliant. i walked the girls to school today with a bag of books and a pot lid, a huge pan that we haven’t used in a year, a cookie rack… thing… its not a cookie rack and i don’t know what it is but we have NEVER used it, and the spare rolling pin. how we have two rolling pins i don’t know. all of that stuff can go on the music wall. i think the schools plan is to hang the pots and pans up and put wooden spoons on strings, and then the kids have this percussion wall. great idea. i really love this school. the bag of books i added to the little free library box. also love these things. what a great idea.

my aim is to pair down the books a little bit more until we can get rid of one bookshelf. we have four. FOUR. in this tiny place. one big one that my dad made that i don’t think i will ever give up, two cheapy ones, one in the girls room and than thin really pretty one that we picked up for free somewhere.  i want to get the cedar chest out of the living room. its a high traffic area – too high traffic for my liking. blaze has already had a tantrum and scribbled all over the top of it with pen, gouging into the wood that i spent like 15 hours carefully refinishing. with guinea pigs moving in soon, we need the floor space available.

moved the girls doll house. they actually don’t play with it very much anyway, they generally use it as a step ladder to get to the DVDs. now its in their bedroom.

rolled up the carpet in their room. its a great little area rug but its a pain in the ass to keep clean. it’s deep shag, so it accumulates tons of crap and the only way to clean it is to shake it out, which is not easy. vacuuming it doesn’t get out the deep stuff. i much prefer just sweeping.

i would like to get the cedar chest into my room. the only way to do this is to spin the bed 90 degrees and park it up against the wall. i think i have tried this multiple times since we moved in. the fact that i keep trying this means that for some reason, it must not work properly. i measured it out and it  should work, it should fit just fine. the bed, being a queen, is very nearly square. the room is a larger very nearly square. if i turn the bed a different way and fit it into the corner, it should work.

I’m getting a spinning wheel for Christmas. I’m just telling everyone to pitch in and when i reach my goal i will order it. its a little thing, squat an narrow and i can put it on a shelf when not in use. easiest Christmas ever.


December 1, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:33 am

have you ever napped wrapped in a map of the sky? this is my knitted star chart. its just big enough to be a baby blanket.