im so used to having babies around that it doenst fully occur to me anymore how hard they are.
but yesterday was hard. i am getting sick, and i suspect the little fish is as well. we had a good morning, but by the afternoon she was clingy and grumpy and yelled a lot. she is a super cuddly baby – she wants to press her whole tiny body against me. when i took her to lay down to nap this morning she turned on her side, tucked herself up against my chest and stared at me. her stare just kills me – its so intense, so trusting. huge dark eyes, long lashes, such a a soft, tiny little face. then she lets out a big sigh and closes her eyes.
jim said this morning that when he got up to go pee, she woke up. and when he went back to bed, she went back to sleep. when he got up again, she woke up again. “how do they know?!” i have no idea. but they do. they know when you leave them. she was asleep yesterday afternoon and i was sitting next to her. i got up to go to the kitchen and within 5 seconds she was calling me back again. being able to wake up the instant your adult has walked off without you is probably a good survival trait. but its a bit annoying for the modern age.
breastmilk is low in fat and easily digestible. babies need to nurse often to keep their bellies full and to meet their energy requirements. its really hard to walk away from a baby human. if you could get away with feeding them every 6 hours or so, then you could put them down and be a six hours walk away from them. if you need to feed them continuously, you need to keep them close by and carry them with you. its ingenious. it keeps them safe and alive.
i finished spinning all that grey wool. its washed, dried, and developed this fluffy little halo around it. its going to be fingerless mittens. i saw something i really liked a few weeks ago, a black wool with pieces of brightly coloured silk in it. little flashes of colour that light up when the light hits them on a black background. thalia and i found a deep, dark brown corridale wool at the yarn store in the east end of the city, and i am pulling apart some sari silk i have. my hands need to be busy – especially if i am home all day.
lauras hat – ive ripped it out three times. i think i’ve got it right this time, this is my last idea and if i can’t make it work then i need to rethink the whole project. bartering a hat for professional photos seemed like a fun idea weeks ago but now its turning into a chore.