im so tired. and it starts to really mess with you quite quickly.
blaze is home. she has a sore throat and she is talking funny and she only wants to eat applesauce and warm oatmeal with raisins in it. she very valiantly tried to go to school. i talked to her aobtu staying home, i told her she should really have a stay home day, and she pouted and put her foot down – she was going to school, damnit! so we got dressed, got our shoes on, packed up our backpacks, strapped the baby on and walked to the school. when we got to the gates, cordelia went straight in. blaze took me aside and quietly told me, actually, she wanted to go home.
im glad shes home because she needs a quiet day full of colouring and playing games and warm oatmeal with raisins in it. but really, i dont need her home today. i need to take the baby fish to bed with me and nap with her. but a sick blaze is a very needy blaze. everybody needs me – for comfort, for food, for colouring with, just to sit near them, or to change their diaper when they crap all over themselves. these two do not, and cannot, give any thought to what i might need in return. some damn space. a decent meal. to put my boobs away for a while. to go to bed. for someone else to come and clean my bathroom.