i really love this going to school thing. i especially love it because this morning was chilly and crisp. about 18 seconds later its blisteringly hot again, but there are hints of fall coming on.
got girls to school, located that gross smell in the kitchen: tomatoes that look great on top but are secretly melting into a pile of gooey black mold on their bottoms, and quickly made a giant pot of tomato sauce to save the ones that were worth saving. the thing with tomatoes i have found is that once they get the mold, the whole tomato smells of it. even if i cut off half the tomato and carefully taste the “good” side, its nasty. thalia lay on the couch and chatted to the rainbows that were swirling around the walls from the rainbow catcher for a few minutes.
shes not a difficult baby for us, but if she was the first she would have been difficult. shes a perfect third baby. this means that she hates to be put down. she only naps on my body in a carrier. she hates her play mat. cordelia could spend a lot of time laying on her mat, having conversations with the hanging toys above her. thalia looks stressed out as soon as you lay her down and it takes about 1 minute for her to start crying. thalia cries as soon as she realizes that ive left the room. that would just about kill me if she was the first baby, and we would have called her a difficult baby – but now i know better. for a third, its fine. she just lives in the carrier. she spends the day in arms. she doesn’t sleep at night unless shes in physical contact with me. that is what shes SUPPOSED to do – baby primates are made to be portable. by the third, i am used to this and i dont mind it, but had my first baby primate behaved like this it would have been so, so hard for me to deal with it. but i love having her close. if shes my last baby (did you notice that “if”?) then i want to milk it for all its worth. i want to kiss her a million times a day and watch her stare at me with her crazy intense grey eyes. i want to always be within reach of her fluffy hair.
in fact if i dont personally buckle her into the car seat, i am filled with panic that i forgot her at home, even if i KNOW that Jim buckled her in and i can see her tiny fat fist waving in the mirror. i need to suppress the need to ask “cordelia, is thalia in the seat next to you?” jim thought i was a bit crazy when i told him this, that is until we left my moms last night and i buckled her into her seat and a few seconds after driving off he looked at me and said, a bit sheepishly, “we have the baby right? i didn’t load her in, so now i’m feeling anxious.” now he gets it.
we were at my moms last night because my grandparents are here! last time they were here was a couple years ago, and when i saw my grandpa get out of the car i was a little bit sad to notice how small and frail he looks. he’s a bit more crooked, a bit thinner, a bit less hair, and now he has a cane to steady his 86 year old legs. his quiet spark is still there – my grandma totally dominates him and calls most of the shots and snaps at him a lot but he just chuckles under his breath and flashes a look of mischievousness behind her back.in fact the first thing he did when jim came to greet him was to shake his hand, grin and say “congrats! but i feel for you, poor fella, theres four women in your house now!”
Nanny Jill is a solid, force to be reckoned with woman, very kind but also the matriarch. shes a bit like i would expect esme weatherwax to be – and is kind of the way i always pictured weatherwax. for all her frowns and grumbles at him, she is absolutely devoted to grandpa and would be totally lost without him. he is her anchor. he is the reason she gets up every morning. literally – she makes his morning tea for him. and his lunches, and his dinner, and his dessert, and does his laundry. shes old school like that.
dinner was being laid out on the table and my dad told me to go sit down, and i said something like ‘nanny’s got the baby, i’m going to go get thalia so she can sit down and eat. i can eat later.” my dad said “look at her. leave her be, she just flew 7 hours to hold that baby.” and i put on a different pair of perspectacles and peeked int he living room. and seeing my grandmother dance around the room and softly talking with her tiniest great-granddaughter just filled my heart.