this is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. just get out of my body already.
i know its still a bit early. but if EVERY TIME IT RAINS you are going to render me completely debilitated, then you may as well be on the outside.
Toronto got a big storm. a huge, glorious, ‘makes the house shake’ storm. apparently one of sondras dogs got stuck under the bed she was trying so hard to get away from it. she is not a small dog. not as small as she wishes she was.
jim did the bedtime story and wind down and then i scooted the girls into their bed and got in the bath. i answered 3247824 questions from blaze before she finally just fell asleep. having me in the bath in the dark instead of in the rocking chair is not her routine and she kept coming back to see what i was doing and offering to turn the light on for me.
i dont know how long i sat in the bath. the water takes the pressure off my joints and i hardly feel how sore i am. i actually started to fall asleep in the bath. it was really dark when i got out and so i tried to go to bed.
i woke up at some point, with lightning practically right over the top of the house, too uncomfortable to sleep or lay down anymore. went to sit on the toilet for a while. its another super comfortable place to be – i can pee whenever i want first of all, and it seems to stretch everything out nicely. i can lean on the cold tiles on the wall. tried to go back to bed. got up again and went to the living room to sit in the middle of the floor, lean on the desk chair (which had a cat on it) and stare out the window and the torrential downpour. once the rain stopped and the contractions let up and the pain in my back slowly went away i thought i could go back to bed.
not. baby is AWAKE. she was rolling around and flailing and stayed up for a long time, getting her strong feet under my ribs and pushing out. i feel like she may as well have just come out because i spent so much time awake with her.
today i am grumpy and mean and have no patience and its going to be a stupidly hot, muggy day. baby lucy is coming over today, which i am actually looking forward to. three month old babies are very sweet. i want to hang around all day and cuddle her and do nothing. im so tired.
but i need to clean up some shit first. like the floors and the kitchen, and get the laundry out the basement and get the new car seat set up. Jim pulled it out the box, had a look at it, decided he couldn’t do it with two children climbing all over him and left it in the middle of the floor. he is great but sometimes he is a lazy ass.
I’m going to set a list of things that i want to do before she gets out. i need to fill my days with something other than chores while i wait this out.
– make a cheesecake. i dont know why this is coming up in my head but i really really want to make some sort of cold, super rich dessert thing. probably a peanut butter one. if not a cheesecake then more chocoalte mousse. (chocolate goat)
– eat more fresh peas. we can get some today if the market has any.
-plenty more laying around being a useless lump and wasting time sewing a cross stitch of a bunch of mushrooms
– start my summer knitting project
– more naps.
– eat more peas. eat all the peas in the world.
– hang the moroccan lantern
– hang the paper stars from vancouver
– fill the freezer with meals
– hang the beaded trees
– do one more of my own henna before my hands are otherwise filled with baby
– make my midwives some soap