ITS TOO FUCKING HOT
weather network uterus is quiet. but my bones say “rain”. theres a thunderstorm thats supposed to roll in late afternoon, evening sometime. in the meantime, its a million trillion degrees. the front of the apartment is intolerable. the bedrooms have a really good breeze. haven’t turned on the AC yet. Mats has taken to sleeping on the bathroom tile. he used to sleep in the bath tub when it got really, really hot.
all I’ve accomplished so far is to put away all the clean laundry and read a whole stack of books with Blaze in the big bed.
we went to kindergarten open house. its half an hour in the middle of the day where all the new kindergarteners bring their super anxious, hovering parents to their new classroom. we meet the new teacher, the kids get to explore and play with all the toys, and the parents stand around awkwardly and look sideways at each other. i am super conspicuous these days. there is nowhere to stand where small children don’t crash into my belly. blaze hopped right in and found some play-doh. i stood off to the side and gently swung my hips in figure 8’s to loosen up the pressure in my pelvis, absolutely not at all interested in small talk with anyone. new teacher came to chat with me and within 0.2 seconds we were discussing midwives and our fast labours.
when we left, blaze got all confused and basically starting talking nonsense, so many things running together in her head and she tries to explain them all to me at once. who are all these people? why did we come to see big school if we aren’t going to big school until after her birthday? WHEN are we going to big school, exactly? where is cordelia? why aren’t we staying longer? we did spot cordelia, down the hall in the music room. blaze burst into those silent, slow, totally heartbreaking tears that are a specialty of hers. “i miss Cordelia. i want to go give her a hug first”. for her, today is all mixed up. shes a super sensitive little thing – one thing is off balance in her world and she feels it. she cant really explain why she is crying. it’s just all weird today for her.