i ALMOST called it yesterday. i actually puttered around and packed a bag for the hospital i thought we were probably going.
it rained two nights ago. we were at kristys place and i was super fucking uncomfortable, i rebozo-ed myself up and wrapped my hips up to stop my bones from sliding so much. too uncomfortable to even sit in a chair. i have been carrying around my rebozo like an adult security blanket. i don’t think I’ll be able to use this rebozo on anyone else after this, its becoming a bit too precious to me now.
yesterday morning i woke up with gentle contractions. less gentle than the past few days. every time it amps up just slightly. the last time i woke up in the morning with contractions i gave birth to cordelia. spent most of the morning in the bath. sondra came over in the afternoon and took the girls to the park for 45 minutes. i cried on and off – apparently for no reason, just emotional. contractions picked up, then went away. picked up and went away. picked up stronger and went away. ALL DAY. literally until i went to bed at like midnight. i did nothing all day, other than monitor this unending early stop-start labour and move around to find comfortable places. Jim skipped his hockey to stay home with me becasue i asked him too, and nothing happened. i feel like i let everyone down.
we walked to the ice cream store. this was a big effort because i really didn’t want to wear any clothes. again, i was too uncomfortable to sit in a chair. i stood and swayed gently, deeply turned inwards and listening to my body ripple and squeeze as the girls devoured chocoalte and vanilla gelato. i imagined what the rest of the patrons at the ice cream store would think if my water just broke all over the floor.they would have to mop it all up, and put out an orange cone and then becasue it was a food establishment, probably there would be some ruckus about flooding the floor with human bodily fluids.
i called my midwives and asked if someone would come check me because i was getting more spotting again. they said becasue its still early, they can’t check me at home, but i could go to the hospital if i wanted to be examined. i said fuck that. im not driving across the city with a pile of children in my car to go sit in triage for hours just for someone to measure my cervix. so i checked my own cervix.
4-5, and super stretchy. 10 is birth. 5 is the start of active labour. last time, with blaze, when i hit 5cms, she FLEW OUT in half an hour. i should be dropping this baby right now. I’m just going to wake up one morning and find her in my bed, having gently fell out of me in the night.
my midwife says i have whats called ‘irritable uterus’ which means that by the third baby, your uterus is so primed and pro at this game that anything can set it off. the weather, a change in my own hormones, anything. grumpy uterus. because of that, they don’t actually want to check me anyway because by touching my cervix they could set it all off. the only reason i checked was because i was already contracting.
she seems to be hanging in there out of sheer willpower. every extra day she stays put is a bonus. on the other hand, i am getting really annoyed by all this. i’d like her to just get out and be done with it. or just stop teasing me.
nope. its starting up again right now. figures. it looks like it rained again last night.