Just in the past couple days I have become suddenly more uncomfortable and moody and tired. We are so close now but its dragging a bit.
The discomfort is inside my body so there’s nothing i can do about it. there’s no way to relieve it. Taught, stretched, clumsy. I really really just want to shut down, become super antisocial and go away from everyone. I want to nap with twiggy and do absolutely nothing.
Went out for dinner with Tynan and sondra and a super busy baby sloan last night. Its good to see them and I enjoyed it, but I was also surprised at how much energy it takes to be present for other people, even people that i adore. I wish Icould give more of myself to sondra right now, she is having a really difficult time these days.
The only person I don’t want to chase off is jim. He is such a source of comfort. We have spent exactly no time together recently because of his constantly changing tutoring schedule and the fact that I go to bed right after the girls do. He has been a bit moody too recently. He is missing me, he has said it outright, and we haven’t been able to take care of each other that well. Baby coming soon and we are both feeling it looming.