though i damn near went into labour yesterday afternoon.
it was nice and cool and my bones felt fine. i took the girls to their dance show, which was super cute, and then Jim went to work for the evening and ALL OF A SUDDEN i wanted to go sit in a dark cave. i was grumpy and irritable and wanted to chase off my children and be left alone. i followed Jim around for the 10 minutes that he was home before he left, asking him to hug me and felt all fucking mixed up i wanted to cry. i really wanted to go sit in my bathtub with the lights off. not with any water in it. just sit in a hole. just like how a cat wants to sit in a small cardboard box.
and then the contractions started. and these were not practice ones. i can tell. slight nausea, intense back ache, crampy feelings, pinchy cervix and nerves firing off down the inside of my legs from my hips to my calves. and i tossed some snacks at the girls put on a movie for them and told them to not bug me. i lay in bed with a pile of pillows jammed between my knees – my legs wanted to be open wide. i made a deal with myself about when i would call my midwives to report this pre-term labour.
i did this with Cordelia. a few weeks before she was due, when it was slightly too early to meet the baby, i went through the exact same thing. for a couple of hours, i was in early labour. but contractions that are 15-20 seconds long are not long enough or powerful enough to budge a cervix. they didn’t get any more intense and nothing else in my body changed, so i decided that if it continued on for a few hours or if i saw any more signs of this being actual real labour I would call.
the thing is, if i call my midwives they will tell me to go to the hospital to go on the monitors for a few hours and its super inconvenient. also because i wasn’t an emergency i was likely to end up in triage for like three hours first. my whole damn night would be about tracking my contractions on a screen, which is dumb becasue i can FEEL THEM IN MY BODY so i can tell you when they change, you don’t need to see it on a computer. it was Sunday night, an early night for bed time because of school the next morning and Jim wasn’t home. so i was a bad preggie and didn’t call it in.
it petered out. just like when it happened with cordelia. i ate a snack and drank a bucket of water and peed a lot, and nothing changed those contractions, but they just went away on their own. could have been the thunderstorm – thunderstorms famously are strongly correlated to bringing on babies. it was like my body said “yeah? go time? do it?… no wait, too early. okay rein it in.”
but now shes sitting a little bit lower. i took this pic a couple days ago and it looks different now. there is pressure in my pelvis, different than it was before. stay put little girl, you aren’t quite all finished up yet.
we will not make it to our due date.