Weekend was too busy. I havent recovered from it yet. Its hot and its humid and it only half-assed rained for like 28 seconds which wasn’t enough to clear the air.
I am uncomfortable. My bones are shifting and I’m sweaty and sore and my skin really feels taught and stretched. Even my maternity clothes are starting to not fit. I went to bed too late two nights in a row and today I am paying for it.
Blaze has had a bad day and its making me crazy. I knew it would be a mission to get her to go get Cordelia with me so i started the process early. It didn’t matter. She still spent 10 minutes lying on the floor yelling because there were only the wrong kinds of shoes. We were super late. She cried the whole walk to the school. Cordelia was the last kid there. Her teacher brought her out to meet us, didn’t ask questions, didn’t say aanything. I said “blaze is having a really hard time because we ddidn’thave the right shoes, and because it wasn’t her birthday.”
Teacher sat on the ground and spoke to both girls together, can I take a picture of you two together? Blaze can you give me a nice big smile? Your birthday will come soon and then you can get some new toys on your birthday. The girls stood with their arms around each other and our teacher took their picture on her phone, then showed it to them.
It snapped blaze out of it a little bit. I wanted to tell our teacher thank you for helping me out today just that little bit. Its been a bad day for me and I’m just overwhelmed and im not keeping it together today and im tired and Iam just about to loose it with blaze and i really dont know how I’m going to manage the rest of the evening or manage my entire life in about 7 weeks time and you weren’t judgmental when I was super late and you didn’t even ask for a reason or say anything about it even though technically all teachers are on a sort of semi-strike right now and you were not obligated to actually stand there patiently waiting for me holding my daughters hand. And for a moment I thought “oh god i’m going to just cry right here on the sidewalk, and if I start that now it just won’t stop and i will just cry the whole walk home again”.
It will be different tomorrow. I will get some sleep, blaze will come back down to normal as we get further and further away from this birthday weekend, I will get a chance to just chill and hopefully iIcan come back to closer to normal as well.