Just another WordPress.com site

this will be a boring post May 29, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:05 pm

– got the girls up, dressed, fed, hair brushed, and walked with Cordelia to school while jim took blaze to nursery.
– ate breakfast, made a plan for my morning, left the door at 9:30
– went to grocery store to pick up henna supplies for workshop tomorrow
– went to thrift store, ditched bag of junk and brought home: sheets for the bunk bed, receiving blankets for baby, summer shoes for me (the kind that don’t require bending over) some miscellaneous fabrics that i liked the look of, pair of burgundy earrings and a pretty little stained glass candle holder.
– watched a gorgeous woman with mermaid hair and an off-leash cream-coloured, greyhound-ish dog with one blue eye walk nonchalantly to the beer store. dog sat patiently outside and waited for his woman to come back. what a good dog.
– went to other end of the city for the yarn store. bought out all the discount white bamboo yarn for super cheap for my next project. yarn store lady said “i hope you can get it done before the baby comes!” and gave me a big smile.
– got home in time for Jim to go to his tutoring appointment. made lunch for me and Blaze, stacked and ran the dishwasher.

i have been eying the dirty laundry pile. perhaps this afternoon will be the time to tackle it. i can toss in all the new sheets and baby blankets as well.

there was supposed to be a thunderstorm yesterday afternoon and it NEVER HAPPENED. they PROMISED me a thunderstorm to break the heat and muggy air and give me some relief from the waddle. now its supposed to be today instead. whatever, weather people. don’t tell me I’m getting a thunderstorm then not deliver. now i don’t trust your empty promises.


discomfort May 28, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:19 pm

EDIT: I just found these posts. Its amusing, charming even, to discover that i basically just re-wrote this post from the past.



4-7 weeks to go.

Belly isn’t getting taller its just getting further out. Sticks out way in front of me. Always precedes me when I go into a room, out the door. My belly leads the way and always gets there first.

She can reach my ribs. Baby feet under my ribs feel like someone’s thumbs trying to pry my bones like a can opener. I picture in my head the image of dismantling a chicken into pieces – cutting into the breast and cracking the chest and peeling up all the splintery rib bones. Its that sort of feeling.

I am uncomfortable sitting in the kitchen chairs now. Running out of places to park my butt. I sat with blaze while she ate lunch and then handed her a watermelon Popsicle and went to bed. Lying down and relaxing everything in my pelvis generally makes my bones pop and shift back into place.

Jim came to be sweet. He rubbed my belly and my back and breathed in my scent. He tried being flirty, trying his luck and making a hopeful expression. But I made an exasperated noise. Not at all interested in sex. Not interested in anything except being a sloth and napping for the next 7 weeks. I’m sure even the most gentle sex will make my bones more sore. Plus i feel super un-sexy and clumsy and awkward. I can’t even SEE half my body anymore so I’m sure i am a bit disconnected.

At this point, the discomfort is inside my body so there’s no way to get away from it. Just wait it out.


May 26, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 8:29 pm

Blah blah blah. More complaining. I am a privileged rich white lazy asshole with a healthy very easy pregnancy that I am being a huge fucking suck about.

I slipped up. I started to think that I was an actual normal person, instead of just someone who can fake normal because of drugs. I just forgot that for a little while. I can’t afford to forget it.

I love this baby but I am not sure how i feel about having her. It feels like a selfish mistake, calling her into existence and then making her live with us when CLEARLY I can’t manage the totally easy privileged life i already have.


in which i do a bunch of complaining May 25, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 4:22 pm

Weekend was too busy. I havent recovered from it yet. Its hot and its humid and it only half-assed rained for like 28 seconds which wasn’t enough to clear the air.

I am uncomfortable. My bones are shifting and I’m sweaty and sore and my skin really feels taught and stretched. Even my maternity clothes are starting to not fit. I went to bed too late two nights in a row and today I am paying for it.

Blaze has had a bad day and its making me crazy. I knew it would be a mission to get her to go get Cordelia with me so i started the process early. It didn’t matter. She still spent 10 minutes lying on the floor yelling because there were only the wrong kinds of shoes. We were super late. She cried the whole walk to the school. Cordelia was the last kid there. Her teacher brought her out to meet us, didn’t ask questions, didn’t say aanything. I said “blaze is having a really hard time because we ddidn’thave the right shoes, and because it wasn’t her birthday.”

Teacher sat on the ground and spoke to both girls together, can I take a picture of you two together? Blaze can you give me a nice big smile? Your birthday will come soon and then you can get some new toys on your birthday. The girls stood with their arms around each other and our teacher took their picture on her phone, then showed it to them.

It snapped blaze out of it a little bit. I wanted to tell our teacher thank you for helping me out today just that little bit. Its been a bad day for me and I’m just overwhelmed and im not keeping it together today and im tired and Iam just about to loose it with blaze and i really dont know how I’m going to manage the rest of the evening or manage my entire life in about 7 weeks time and you weren’t judgmental when I was super late and you didn’t even ask for a reason or say anything about it even though technically all teachers are on a sort of semi-strike right now and you were not obligated to actually stand there patiently waiting for me holding my daughters hand. And for a moment I thought “oh god i’m going to just cry right here on the sidewalk, and if I start that now it just won’t stop and i will just cry the whole walk home again”.

It will be different tomorrow. I will get some sleep, blaze will come back down to normal as we get further and further away from this birthday weekend, I will get a chance to just chill and hopefully iIcan come back to closer to normal as well.


May 24, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 7:27 pm

its been a CRAZY weekend. Jim just took off to hockey and i am about to start to wind things down for an early bedtime.

bunk beds – check! the bunk beds are great. the girls are too excited to actually sleep, of course, so we had an awful time getting them to bed last night. tonight should be a tad easier. eventually the novelty will wear off. i didnt end up getting to the value village so i just took some of our bed sheets and tucked them all around the mattresses. it’ll do for now until i manage to get down to the store.

i started the day by taking the girls out to a cloth diaper swap. this was basically a bunch of moms having a cloth diaper garage sale. it was actually in someones driveway. i got some more diapers since ours are old and pretty beat up at this point. picked up some tiny newborn sized diapers. the mom selling them gave me the whole lot for $1 each. thats cheaper than disposable diapers. my babies don’t tend to be super small, but they are slightly too small for our diapers to start with, and at $1 each its a pretty safe gamble, even if we only end up using them for like two weeks. and since emperor qin padlocked the garbage can, its probably best if we use the least amount of disposables possible. (he’ll pay for it when we do tons more laundry. suck it up, emporer qin. this is what you get for being an asshole). got a whole stack of ‘prefold’ diapers, which is basically a large cotton cloth pad. they don’t need to be diapers they can be cloths, or wipes, or whatever. multipurpose, also about $1 each. good haul.

went to ‘the big pet store’ on the way home, got some fancy cat food and a new collar for bindi, who slipped hers and lost it sometime in the fall. i didn’t worry about it in the winter because she never went out, but now shes spending all day outside again and I’ll feel better if she had a collar and a tag.

then it was birthday time! i can’t be bothered to write about the birthday. all the kids had a great time and theres a whole bunch of leftover watermelon to make watermelon lemonade out of. blaze spent some time naked. she just decided she was finished with her clothes and peeled them off. took some time before we managed to sweet talk her into putting her clothes back on.  there was three babies there and we all constantly passed them around. my neighbour kate actually took home my sling because i let her borrow it for baby millie to nap in. her husband walked home with my hot pink sling and his totally blissed out, fast asleep baby tied to his chest. very sweet.

i am fucking wiped out. i am going to try to get them down for bed early, because they are also fucking wiped out. blaze has had a couple meltdowns of the ‘i can’t handle the universe’ kinds. i can tell you that they will be wearing new princess dresses to school tomorrow. i will be cleaning. and making watermelon lemonade.


May 23, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 10:31 am

the 8 week countdown list.

– make all those nursing pads that i bought all the fabric for
– strip cloth diapers, decide which ones are worth putting back into circulation
– wash all the clothes since they smell like a second-hand book store
– get more clothes since apparently i tossed a whole bunch out that were too worn
– make all the baby clothes fit in the dresser. this will be tight.
– get mattresses to go with bunk beds
– get sheets for bunk beds.

okay so i did one thing. but the bunk beds are arriving today and jim is picking up mattresses this afternoon. i am taking the girls to a birthday party, and then I guess we will go to the value village and find some sheets since its in the same neighbourhood. not concerned about blankets right now since they don’t sleep under blankets becasue its 346794356 degrees.

took apart the two cribs, cleaned the room, shoved all the furniture around to make room for the new beds. there was five years of dust and spiders under cordelias bed, it was gross. swept, vacuumed, seriously beat the shit out of the rug and tried to get all the playground sand out of it, and that was all like 20 minutes ago and i still can’t catch my breath yet. this baby is stealing all my oxygen and i feel slightly light-headed. you hear that? i can’t even properly clean a room anymore. was not going to attempt to carry all the bits of the cribs down the back stairs to the basement at that moment.

i want her to come out so i can meet her but i also want her to stay put because while shes in there i don’t have to change her diaper or feed her or have her cry for hours or spend half the night awake. i also don’t want to deal with pippa calling herself “grandma” like shes apparently been doing with baby lucy. i think we’ll just not tell them that shes been born. we’ll pretend like i have an 11 month pregnancy or something. “oh sorry, didn’t we tell oyu? the due date was wrong. shes due sometime in October now”

time for us to all get dressed and get going.


the tablet takes shitty pictures May 19, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 11:24 am

almost done the first 4. off the top of my head, i think theres nearly 20. the clean edge on the side is because it’s the edge of the page. thats right, this pattern comes in PAGES its so monstrously large. I’m pulling out the basting stitches as i go.


feeling shitty today. no explanation, just feel it. its a beautiful day outside and its not stupidly hot. the garden is all planted and i tossed in some sunflower seeds in the front for good measure. every time we go outside blaze goes to look to see if theres any sunflowers yet.

cordelia turns five in five days. this is the first year shes been absolutely thrilled by her birthday. its a bit of a shock for me personally, that shes going to be FIVE. this person that i grew in my body and pushed out through my vagina and shes going to be FIVE. shes already too excited to go to bed at night.

i’m contenting myself by growing another one, which i fully intend to push out through my vagina in a few weeks as well. five weeks until the magic number of 37 weeks. from that point, its game on, anytime, anywhere. at the most theres 8 weeks left. and then we’ll have a newborn. this is also a shock to me – a jarring thought, even though I’ve known it was coming for months.