im tired. it feels stupid to write about that AGAIN but its true. today i am tired. it is 3 in the afternoon. all I’ve done is eat some food and take the girls to the park with my neighbor and her boys for two hours. i should be putting in even the tiniest bit of effort in cleaning. i am not. the place is, as always, an utter shit hole.
jim is applying to full-time teaching positions. this year the options are: waterloo, niagara falls, a couple places in new york, possibly chicago, and then some tiny greek island somewhere.
waterloo sounds safest. if he got one of those jobs, we would be moving about 12 seconds after baby was born. i do not want to be stranded with a newborn in a community i dont know. he DOES need a full-time position, cobbling together part-time positions is working right now but its not going to work much longer. but we need to go where the work is because theres so little of it. i am willing to go to somewhere for a three-year contract, but i really don’t want to go somewhere and then be stuck and never come back. theres nothing for me in these places. he will be going there to get a great job, basically his dream job, i will be walking away from all my supports and directly into the clutches of my depression.