yes, its back. i dont feel capable of fighting it anymore. its back and its partly, maybe mostly, my fault.
but i don’t want to force everyone else to live through it alongside me like before. this is my problem. i wish everyone else would stop apologizing for it.
I’ve been thinking of the idea that we can create humans and bring them into existence without their permission. that i can grow a baby and then it has to live with me and it has to have me be its mother and it never asked for any of that. that i can create flawed children (Cordelia definitely has some anxiety issues, also my fault…) and land them with fucked up, shitty genetics that they didn’t consent to. and then go ahead and make another. I’m starting to think that maybe third baby is a mistake. it feels selfish to make a human come into existence knowing that you can’t do a good job for it once it gets here.