jim is working all day and the best i can manage is to put away half the laundry. i am full of guilt and pregnancy hormones making me cry a lot because of the guilt. i texted jim and told him i was sorry for being a lazy pregnant ass all day. he said rest and grow that krill and relax. then i felt worse becasue sometimes i am grumpy and mean to him and i absolutely do not pull my own weight around her recently yet obviously he takes super good care of me. yesterday i had a lazy day and he did a bunch of cleaning and made me meals and kept the girls entertained. and i was a lazy pregnant ass.
yes I KNOW that this is a relatively easy and a healthy pregnancy. i keep thinking of Linda who threw up literally every day, multiples times a day, and eventually just threw up blood and was hospitalized for the last month of her pregnancy and then had a c/section. that was not fun for her. she is a tank for going through that. and she wants to do it again to have another kid. and im sure what nobody needs is a post where i complain about my easy pregnancy.
but today i am a little bit worn out. i am getting weird daily headaches that im starting to think i should look further into. if i drink what feels to me to be about the same amount of water as what the fish tank can hold, i can reduce the headache incidence. i am going to mention it to my midwives. blaze is needy today and wants her whole body in contact with me at all times. blaze actually fell asleep just before we needed to go pick up Cordelia. this happens at least once a week and it is HELL to wake her up and get her dressed. every time i am tempted to just tuck her in and leave her home while i go get coco. its a 4 – minute walk to the end of the block. when i wake her up, blaze purposely screams in my face and undresses herself just as fast as i can dress her and shes so angry at having been woken up and i want to slap her.
the place is a mess and it doesn’t actually matter what i do about that it always goes right back to being a mess again within the day. i called the ultrasound clinic and double-checked my next appointment. krills pronoun-revealing day is feb 18th.
we want to find out the gender, but i am thinking of not revealing it to many other people. mostly this means not to jims parents, who automatically start trying to name the baby for us. we have a few girl names and one that’s really sticking in our minds. but if krill is a boy he’ll probably be nameless until kindergarten or something. there are only a few boy names i found that are even slightly palatable. did you know that beige is apparently a viable boys name now? i found a page of colour names. some of them are sweet, but beige is not.