Protected: January 31, 2015
third time is not charming January 26, 2015
jim is working all day and the best i can manage is to put away half the laundry. i am full of guilt and pregnancy hormones making me cry a lot because of the guilt. i texted jim and told him i was sorry for being a lazy pregnant ass all day. he said rest and grow that krill and relax. then i felt worse becasue sometimes i am grumpy and mean to him and i absolutely do not pull my own weight around her recently yet obviously he takes super good care of me. yesterday i had a lazy day and he did a bunch of cleaning and made me meals and kept the girls entertained. and i was a lazy pregnant ass.
yes I KNOW that this is a relatively easy and a healthy pregnancy. i keep thinking of Linda who threw up literally every day, multiples times a day, and eventually just threw up blood and was hospitalized for the last month of her pregnancy and then had a c/section. that was not fun for her. she is a tank for going through that. and she wants to do it again to have another kid. and im sure what nobody needs is a post where i complain about my easy pregnancy.
but today i am a little bit worn out. i am getting weird daily headaches that im starting to think i should look further into. if i drink what feels to me to be about the same amount of water as what the fish tank can hold, i can reduce the headache incidence. i am going to mention it to my midwives. blaze is needy today and wants her whole body in contact with me at all times. blaze actually fell asleep just before we needed to go pick up Cordelia. this happens at least once a week and it is HELL to wake her up and get her dressed. every time i am tempted to just tuck her in and leave her home while i go get coco. its a 4 – minute walk to the end of the block. when i wake her up, blaze purposely screams in my face and undresses herself just as fast as i can dress her and shes so angry at having been woken up and i want to slap her.
the place is a mess and it doesn’t actually matter what i do about that it always goes right back to being a mess again within the day. i called the ultrasound clinic and double-checked my next appointment. krills pronoun-revealing day is feb 18th.
we want to find out the gender, but i am thinking of not revealing it to many other people. mostly this means not to jims parents, who automatically start trying to name the baby for us. we have a few girl names and one that’s really sticking in our minds. but if krill is a boy he’ll probably be nameless until kindergarten or something. there are only a few boy names i found that are even slightly palatable. did you know that beige is apparently a viable boys name now? i found a page of colour names. some of them are sweet, but beige is not.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE AREN’T GETTING ANOTHER DODGE CARAVAN.
i cannot stand it. STOP EMAILING ME DODGE CARAVAN ADS. you know why these drivable living rooms are on sale? its becasue THEY ARE CRAP. THEY ARE DODGE CRAP-A-VANS. we already TOLD you. i do not need a car thats dies in 6 years and if we drive it too fast on the highway bits fall off.
is it becasue I’m pregnant? because once you get pregnant everybody thinks you are public property and you have taken leave of your brain and they are required to make decision for you.
i remember when Bernie DIDN’T ALLOW ME TO THROW OUT MY OWN BANANA PEEL.
i remember when it as me and Jim and bob and Kristy and unborn baby Cordelia all in granddads living room in Vancouver. we were discussing whether to go out to a restaurant to see jenny and which place we should go. it was maybe, 8 at night? Bernie stood in the room behind me listening to us talk then said “guys, i don’t think Kyla wants to go out that late”. Jim burst into laughter at my expression. “dad, shes giving you the death stare. I’m sure she can decide if she wants to go out or not.”
holy fucking hell. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. i can pick my own damn car. if i EVER anted help, i would ask you. in the meantime, you can help by making yourself scarce.
when we go into labour i’m not telling anyone. i’m considering not telling anyone if its a boy or girl either.
Tired today. Its been a particularly busy weekend. I worked all day yesterday – the job is dull, a bit ridiculous, but it pays exceptionally well so I’m riding it out to the end. While I was working jim took girlies to the zoo. Knowing they were having a great time actually made my tedious work a little better. Then we went to the dealership to talk to our buddy Clayton about new/used cars. He works there and can get us a special deal. Like, a miraculous deal. Then we went directly to Dan’s place for his party. Where we stayed until midnight.
This morning was a sleep in as far as I could stretch it, (so about 8:30) and then up, dressed, back out for a party for the girls at a friends house. I chatted with the other moms there but it took a lot of effort to be sociable because I was fucking exhausted and actually wanted to go sit in a cave somewhere away from everyone. Visited with my parents – forced being social there as well. Drove the girls to dance, but we were too late and blaze slept through her class anyway. She is also fucking exhausted. Drove home from dance but with some new (secondhand) new shoes for the girls this time. Hooray for free dance shoes.
Got home after five and the place is a shithole. Jim got home right after me, he has been tutoring two separate people today and made $180. I looked around the trashed kitchen, still covered in the dishes from making dinner Friday night. I realize that NOBODY has been home for two days. Which means nobody was here to do any chores. The issue of me also working is that I can’t be in two places at once. I can’t keep up on everything. Started to clean the kitchen. Jim chased me out and told me to go rest instead.
I could go to bed and sleep straight through until morning. Except this pregnancy would punish me for going that long without eating. I actually haven’t had a decent meal all day – party food and cookies and toast. Need a good dinner and then a sleep.
Krill is shifting inside me. I cant feel whats what but i can feel the movement. I missed these sensations. I have a baby inside me and I am its whole universe. It doesn’t know that I exist, or that it exists, but its there and only I can feel it.
Protected: January 14, 2015
placentas. January 12, 2015
SWC offers placenta encapsulation. I’ve never really believed in this hocus-pocus but since I’m growing another placenta myself i thought i would actually try to look into it a bit for myself and question some things. Sondra believes wholeheartedly in consuming placentas, and so do a whole host of other people who send her their placentas and pay her to dehydrate and grind them down and encapsulate them. in fact shes making a reasonable off-the-books income right now with placenta services while technically being on maternity.
here’s the basic idea – most mammals eat their placentas and humans in some areas still consume theirs as well. now the rich white ‘nature and natural things is always good’ type people are looking into consuming their placentas again (yes, this is a vast generalization, but its that type of genre thats becoming interested in this) the most common way to do this is to cut them into little pieces, dehydrate them (or steam them) and grind them up into a powder and put the powder into capsules and take 2-4 pills a day or more. you can also eat them raw – people put them in smoothies. or cooked. theres recipes for placenta lasagna, placenta meatloaf etc. theres entire cookbooks about placentas.
i looked up the apparent benefits. there are many. too many to count really, its like a magic bullet cure-all. some of the main ones are bounce back faster from labour, have a higher milk supply, have more iron (placentas ARE high in iron) and get some good hormones into your body and decreased risk of postpartum depression. the list goes on and on. apparently “look younger” is a benefit as well. yeah, right.
so these benefits are making some big leaps and generalizations here – first of all, yes theres a lot of hormones in placentas, but whos to say that the hormones are still active once you process the placenta and turn it into a pill? and arent there probably hormones in a placenta that you don’t want back again? theres one specific hormone that placentas make that suppresses milk production since while the placenta is still inside you, you don’t need to be making milk. once the placenta is out and so it the baby, your body gets the cue to make milk. so is milk suppressing hormones what you want? probably not. but since milk suppression isn’t associated with placentas, I’m thinking that the hormones arent really ‘working’ by the time you encapsulate and ingest it. yes there’s a lot of iron in a placenta, we for sure, 100% definitely know this already, but how much of it are you going to digest? how many of the nutrients are bio-available?
I’ve heard the argument that it can’t do any harm because it was already inside your body in the first place. you’re just putting it back again so theres no risk. i would like to point out that while we have a liver inside us, to consume a human liver would be toxic. our livers contain dangerously high levels of some vitamins that if we re-introduced to ourselves again would be pretty damaging. one of the roles of a liver is to lock up those nutrients and dole them out in small amounts when necessary. to bomb your system with a human liver would be bad. very bad.
as for the studies that have been done? basically none. LOTS of studies on placentas – we know a lot of super cool things about them, but mostly its along the line of how they function, how they change and adapt, and quite a lot of info along the lines of stem cell research. there is zero evidence-based info available about consuming them again. theres been some studies with rats, but rats to humans is not a 1:1 comparison. there is not one single double-blind, placebo-controlled study thats been done. but a lot of placenta-enthusiasts are quoting these badly done ‘studies’, or not actually having checked out the study but just quoting someone else who says they are quoting a study, somewhere, somehow. its like a game of telephone. the info doesn’t exist and yet people are pulling it out of the air from somewhere becasue they heard someone else say it and saw it on a mommy blog or other shitty not worthwhile or credible resource.
ALL the ‘evidence’ is anecdotal. all of it. some survey stated that 98% of women questioned who consumed their placentas would do it again because they got some benefits from it. that means NOTHING. that means that 98% of people you talked to are delusional and think that a) placebo effects are the real thing, or b) had an easy time and decided to attribute it to consuming their placentas instead of, i dont know, maybe 82469 other variables that may have existed. 98% of people who have cancer ate tomatoes at some point. therefore it must be the tomatoes. no, you idiots.
so those top couple benefits: better milk supply, bounce back faster from labour, higher iron, less depression. well i do not need more milk. i could wet nurse the whole neighbourhood already. as for iron supplement, I’m most willing to believe that this is the most likely to be true. but how about just taking an iron supplement? you loose a lot of blood in labour and birth and so it makes sense to take a supplement and i had a really good one which i liked which was liquid and tasted like grass. its probably better than a placenta, just going out on a limb here. bounce back faster? sure. i do that already because im young and healthy. all your people having your babies in your late 30s? you are going to have a harder time because of your age. a placenta is not going to cure that. while we are on the subject, please tell me why ‘bounce back faster’ is a scientific technical term and what it actually means if you were to define it.
depression was the only one that i was actually interested in. less depression would be great! I’m pretty sure I’m going to get jumped again and get pulled back into living in my haunted house. I’m seeing it come on already. if eating a placenta was proven to relieve depression i would sit up and be interested. but you know what probably works better and has been proven to make a difference in me as dramatic as night and day? citalopram. I’d go that route honestly. and citalopram is actually one of those approved of drugs to use in pregnancy and while breastfeeding. i would look into that a bit further if i was considering going back to it right now, because contrary to the knowledge of the 70’s we now know that literally everything crosses the placenta and you share it with the baby, but i know that the info is at least available and backed up by, you know, not people who write shit-filled mommy blogs on the internet.
placentas are amazing and i love them. but I’m also intelligent.