the radiators are on. and twig spreads herself out across the top of them, getting as much of her tubby little body into contact with the magical warmth at once.
– woke up, jim already gone, a naked blaze was spooning me and snoring gently. got out of bed, got the morning organized. breakfast, clothes, pulled blaze out of bed and took her with me to drop cordelia off at school. (i realize that extremely short description makes it sound like a morning around here is an easy thing to do. it is not.)
– got blaze some more food. made a smoothie. did a little bit of spinning while we watched a show together. I really love what i am spinning. its pretty magical to take a bag of fluff and make something useful out of it with my own hands and a wooden stick with a hook in it.
-last night, kristy took offense to something i had said (not even to her. but to barb, who garbled the info a bit when she passed it on to bob) that was not at all offensive. she flew off the rail and sent me a bunch of angry text messages and then called me to yell at me. i hung up on her. (what the fuck is with this family?) she called today to talk about it. she listened properly this time. she told me she felt better after the conversation. i didn’t give a shit if she felt better or not.
– i looked forward to going to teach today. teaching is outside the house and with adults that i enjoy being with. its almost like i have a real l iife.
– made lunch while cleaning the kitchen for an hour. Jim called to tell me the update on his dad, who will probably loose his leg sometime in the next few days unless something miraculous happens first. i told jim to go to the hospital now to see him. i called randall and told him i wasn’t coming to teach today. i reflected on how my role was going to change in order to support jim. not in ways that i am going to be great at handling.
– called my mom and asked her to take the girls for an overnight to free Jim up for some space to process the fact that his dad is so sick right now and might be having limbs removed from his body. (ps – its a genetic thing. grandpa died of this eventually. yes, it is in the back of jims head that maybe when he turns 60 bits of him will have to be removed when his veins fail him)
– cleaned more in the kitchen. made blaze 835 more snacks.
– jim called a while later to say that he was on his way home and going to the grocery store first. he came home with a few things, unloaded half of them, then went to bed. blaze went to play with him for a while, but then he chased her out when he needed a break. jim is a little shut down right now. i want to get him some quiet time away from the crazies.
– jim got blaze to draw for a while. the way she draws is to get right in your face and say ‘what should i draw now? what colour should i use? what should it look like? which part do i draw first?” it is not restful.
– entertained Blaze while Jim napped. we made cinnamon buns out of my pioneer recipes book from black creek. the bread i made from this book was awesome. the cinnamon buns have yeast instead of baking powder. we’ll see how they turn out.
– blaze had a meltdown. dealt with that.
– texted a sweet, supportive note to bern. got a snarky reply from pippa. snarked back. pippa forbids me from contacting them. laughed at her. fine, i retract all my support. so sorry i exist in your life.
– was harassed by blaze.
– blaze asked to watch another show. argued with her about it. no more shows until Cordelia is home from school. she harassed me instead. gotta entertain herself somehow.
– went back to spinning for 23 minutes before i had to go pick up cordelia. was harassed by blaze.
– blaze asked to come too. absolutely not. you are naked, it is too late to get you dressed, i desperately need a break from you. Jim says “hey, i need to go work. you need to take blaze.’
– i don’t cry. be very proud of me. that took some effort.
– we pick up cordelia. jim goes to work. he won’t be home until after bed time. i am considering maybe crying a bit later.
– roll and slice the cinnamon buns. the girls had a massive screaming hitting fight. yelled at them while covered in flour and brown sugar. smacked the rolling pin on the counter to make a huge scary noise and get them to stop and look at me. the fight was about nothing. managed to not cry.
– turn on the electronic babysitter in order to ignore the children.
– clean up the kitchen after making a mess with the cinnamon buns. ignored the children. they told me they were hungry. i told them to be quit and not talk to me.
– need to make dinner that the girls will eat and come up with a plan of survival to make it through the evening without copious amounts of support from the electronic babysitter. have managed to only cry once. doing good.