springtwist

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i knitted a thing October 31, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 2:48 pm

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I bought the yarn in Vancouver and i bought four skeins of it. i thought four would be enough. it wasn’t. unfortunately, the brand I bought happen to be a really small family business that a husband-wife team in Quebec run out of two rooms in their house. i was pleased to learn that it was a Canadian and family-run enterprise that i had supported. BUT. it means that its really hard to find. theres only one store in Toronto that carries it. The family had a baby within the last few years and down-sized their company (cutting out a lot of distribution to various stores) to keep it more manageable. good for them. tricky for me.

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the buttons i bought in Halifax. they are made locally in NS by one guy. these ones happen to be maple. they are not perfectly round and they are a little bit rustic and the wood has been left polished but unfinished. and i find them absolutely charming. next time i am in Halifax I’m going to buy a bunch more.

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I got Jim to take this totally awkward photo of me that I had to crop down to exclude my totally awkward expression and totally awkward hair. the wrap itself is only a little awkward. i think i will like it in time, but the asymmetry? not sure if its working for me or not. not sure if it looks okay or if i just look – totally awkward.

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October 20, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 4:27 pm

the radiators are on. and twig spreads herself out across the top of them, getting as much of her tubby little body into contact with the magical warmth at once.

today:

– woke up, jim already gone, a naked blaze was spooning me and snoring gently. got out of bed, got the morning organized. breakfast, clothes, pulled blaze out of bed and took her with me to drop cordelia off at school. (i realize that extremely short description makes it sound like a morning around here is an easy thing to do. it is not.)

Рgot blaze some more food. made a smoothie. did a little bit of spinning while we watched a show together. I really love what i am spinning. its pretty magical to take a bag of fluff and make something useful out of it with my own hands and a wooden  stick with a hook in it.

-last night, kristy took offense to something i had said (not even to her. but to barb, who garbled the info a bit when she passed it on to bob) that was not at all offensive. she flew off the rail and sent me a bunch of angry text messages and then called me to yell at me. i hung up on her. (what the fuck is with this family?) she called today to talk about it. she listened properly this time. she told me she felt better after the conversation. i didn’t give a shit if she felt better or not.

– i looked forward to going to teach today. teaching is outside the house and with adults that i enjoy being with. its almost like i have a real l iife.

– made lunch while cleaning the kitchen for an hour. Jim called to tell me the update on his dad, who will probably loose his leg sometime in the next few days unless something miraculous happens first. i told jim to go to the hospital now to see him. i called randall and told him i wasn’t coming to teach today.¬† i reflected on how my role was going to change in order to support jim. not in ways that i am going to be great at handling.

– called my mom and asked her to take the girls for an overnight to free Jim up for some space to process the fact that his dad is so sick right now and might be having limbs removed from his body. (ps – its a genetic thing. grandpa died of this eventually. yes, it is in the back of jims head that maybe when he turns 60 bits of him will have to be removed when his veins fail him)

– cleaned more in the kitchen. made blaze 835 more snacks.

– jim called a while later to say that he was on his way home and going to the grocery store first. he came home with a few things, unloaded half of them, then went to bed. blaze went to play with him for a while, but then he chased her out when he needed a break. jim is a little shut down right now. i want to get him some quiet time away from the crazies.

– jim got blaze to draw for a while. the way she draws is to get right in your face and say ‘what should i draw now? what colour should i use? what should it look like? which part do i draw first?” it is not restful.

– entertained Blaze while Jim napped. we made cinnamon buns out of my pioneer recipes book from black creek. the bread i made from this book was awesome. the cinnamon buns have yeast instead of baking powder. we’ll see how they turn out.

– blaze had a meltdown. dealt with that.

– texted a sweet, supportive note to bern. got a snarky reply from pippa. snarked back. pippa forbids me from contacting them. laughed at her. fine, i retract all my support. so sorry i exist in your life.

– was harassed by blaze.

– blaze asked to watch another show. argued with her about it. no more shows until Cordelia is home from school. she harassed me instead. gotta entertain herself somehow.

– went back to spinning for 23 minutes before i had to go pick up cordelia. was harassed by blaze.

– blaze asked to come too. absolutely not. you are naked, it is too late to get you dressed, i desperately need a break from you. Jim says “hey, i need to go work. you need to take blaze.’

– i don’t cry. be very proud of me. that took some effort.

– we pick up cordelia. jim goes to work. he won’t be home until after bed time. i am considering maybe crying a bit later.

– roll and slice the cinnamon buns. the girls had a massive screaming hitting fight. yelled at them while covered in flour and brown sugar. smacked the rolling pin on the counter to make a huge scary noise and get them to stop and look at me. the fight was about nothing. managed to not cry.

– turn on the electronic babysitter in order to ignore the children.

– clean up the kitchen after making a mess with the cinnamon buns. ignored the children. they told me they were hungry. i told them to be quit and not talk to me.

– need to make dinner that the girls will eat and come up with a plan of survival to make it through the evening without copious amounts of support from the electronic babysitter. have managed to only cry once. doing good.

 

Protected: why do I have to be related to this man. October 19, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 8:49 pm

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October 18, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 6:43 pm

– woke up sometime between 6 30 – 7 6 because a wriggly little human had climbed in with me.
– put up with her wriggling only so long. Sent her to the couch for some cheerios and a show.
– got up to pee, and that was the end of it. Once I stand up or go to the bathroom, sleep is over.
– Cordelia showed up next. I gave up. We all sat on the couch together to watch a show. I knitted.
– sent the girls to get jim up at 9 30.
– we get to the market around 11. The first stop I make is samosas. Blaze yells “donuts!” At the samosa man. Samosa man laughs and says he is not the donut man.
– we get donuts.
– we do our shopping. I finish up the veggie shopping while jim takes those with much shorter legs back to the car. Slowly.
– I drop jim off at his tutoring date.
– I get the girls home, get groceries away, add 74834 more layers to everyone (blaze peels them all off again, “its okay mama, I just like to be cold and I like when the wind blows my hair”) and I decide to be a ‘good parent’ and take them to the park.
– it is cold. They pick fights with each other. Blaze masters the ladder on the little slide.
– after a couple talking-tos, they get it together and play decently.
-blaze falls off something and scratches her back. I wasnt really watching at that point so im not sure exactly what. We all go home for milky bottles and a group cuddle on the couch.
– jim comes home.
– I make vague comment about how the girls need a bath.
– girls play, I noodle around, jim deals with a giant stack of bills, receipts, letters, old student tests etc. This takes most of the afternoon.
– jim calls rogers and tells them he is switching providers unless they give him a better deal. No go. So in a few weeks we will switch providers.
– I ignore the dishes
– the girls are entertained for now so I get out the violin.
– this lasts aboutv15 minutes before my naked, smelly, grubby tangled-hair audience comes to heckle me and throw about the sheet music.
– I quit practicing. The girls, having lost their personal concert, disperse.
– I make popcorn. The girls eat a lot of popcorn. I make vague comment that they should have a bath.
– I go back to reading in rocking chair. Girls play loud rowdy game with jim.
– It starts to get dark. Cordelia does her reading and poems with me. Jim starts dinner, a fresh leg of lamb. Last lamb for the season, wendy told us at the market. I wonder who has the other legs. How many families are sharing this last lamb?
– I mention that we should wash the children sometime.

 

overcast October 13, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 4:03 pm

I can’t shake this bad mood. Saw a lot of family yesterday, was busy, had a good weekend so I should be fine. Maybe its just chemical and there’s no reason for it.

Went to market on saturday, then home so jim could go tutor, then we went downtown to see an old friend of jims who lives in the states now. The girls were difficult in the pub, small space, getting on top of eachother and picking fights. Once the food showed up they were fine. Jim dropped me off at the yarn store so I could buy two bags of fluff that match the colors of the rovinng that just came in from etsy. He drove home to get the cats in and feed them and I walked down Spadina almost all the way to lakeshore and he picked me up on the way to the highway. We went to my moms. Spent the evening there, my brother entertaining the girls by wrestling and giving them rides on his back and being a good sport when they decided that a fun game would be to body slam him.

Sunday, I got up at 7 with the girls and my mom came down shortly after. We sat at the kitchen table talking and trimming Brussels sprouts while the pie pumpkin roasted. Jim got up a little after 9, we made the potato/parsnip/sunchoke roast together and the pies. once Rory and Deanne were up, jim and the girls and I and Rory and Deanne went to Andrews scenic acres. We were planning to pick apples but seems like apple season is over so the girls chose a small pumpkin each instead. We filled the trunk with winter squash as well for $14. We visited the goats and sheep and assorted farm birds. Cordelia discovered that goats love dandelion greens. I was pleased that I could identify the two ewes as Jacobs sheep. I know the kinds of sheep that you can knit with, and Jacobs are such pretty, medium-sized sheep. They are fun for spinning because their fleece comes with blotches of color on it. Very few sheep breeds have multicolored fleeces. Jacobs are classified as a “rare” breed, but I think its like black squirrels are rare. There’s not a lot of them but in the areas that they live they are in no danger of dyingvout. Especially those in children’s petting zoos, where one small blonde child leads a wave Consisting of every other child at the farm in a movement to uproot all the dandelions.

There were some raddits in hutches. One was a mama with two kits, and every time she stood still long enough (to eat a dandelion leaf, actually) her babies got up under her to nurse and she kicked them off. Must be weaning time.

So we had thanksgiving dinner. The pie didn’t bake properly but it was just fine anyway. There was an argument in the kitchen about whether the turkey was done, and I said it was and my dad said it wasn’t and jim knew it was but is smart enough to not get involved, and my dad was being an ass to me until my aunt stepped in and proclaimed it just perfect and its done and let’s just eat it. I said “how come they’ll listen to you but not me when we are saying exactly the same thing?” My dad loves to overcook meat. He just really loves dry, dehydrated meat so he can complain later about how dry it was. I don’t understand it, he was able to cook a turkeys BEFORE he bought the piece of shit “my job is to ruin your meat” meat thermometer. But apparently he’s forgotten now, what a cooked just right turkey actually LOOKS like without getting a government-mandated internal Temperatre on it. The government is wrong, btw.

The girls were exhausted by the end of the evening and jim was game to stay another night but I was ready to go home and have some space. I was tired of my family teasing my kids when they were clearly not willing to play anymore. Blaze hit the wall of exhaustion and just could not handle anything anymore, and without meaning it somebody was pretty rude to her about it. So we took a cue from the littles and packed up and went home.

This morning its overcast and its not gotten better. Got up around 9. Been a bit sad all day, for no reason. Jim took the girls to the ravine to see the dog park and throw sticks in the creek and go for a long walk on the trails and they are getting ice cream on the way home. I am not the least bit interested. I am taking it slow here, running the dishwasher, put away laundry, put on more laundry to wash, cleaned out the litter boxes, watched TV, caught up on henna heals crown referral emails. I really think its the weather. I am unhappy despite having the whole afternoon to do whatever I want. I could knit, spin, bake, clean, not clean, walk somewhere, clean out a closet, nap, draw, sew, sondra even invited me over to hang out with her. I dont want any of it. I feel trapped here, but its not HERE, I could feel it anywhere today. Jim said maybe we should have stayed at my moms another night but I wouldn’t have been happy there either.