its been much easier since we have stopped little blaze from napping. now instead of yelling for an hour in her bed, she settles down and goes to sleep. at 8:00. not even at 10:30. i feel like after 10, i am entitled to go on strike.
I went to thrift stores today with my mom while jim had the girls at his dads place. i was so THRILLED to be going to a store where I’m allowed to dump all my junk around back and be rid of it. i took two bags of i-don’t-even-know-what and dropped it off. i have been tossing things into those bags for a long time. hers an important tip – don’t go through the bags before you drop them off. just don’t look at them too closely or else you will want to pull things back out again just toss it in the bag, trust that it went in the bag for a reason, and be done with it. i actually ran around the place gathering up stuff trying ti fill up the space in that second bag. some cookbooks we have never touched, a couple of the girls sweaters, some rouge toys…. heres another tip – don’t do laundry for two weeks. anything left in the drawer that you still dont want to wear, even in a laundry emergency, well you won’t wear it ever so get rid of it.
I am half moved out in my mind. I do like this place and its been good to us, but I am getting tried of it too and looking to move on. I need more space – i need more bedrooms! I need more children! really feeling that damn biological clock ticking again. I told Jim today I think I could have four. I want to do them all in a row so they are all close in age and theres no weirdly large age gaps between them. He just thought about it and then said “well, we’d have to own a minivan.” and never fly anywhere ever again. can you imagine buying plane tickets for six?
in the store today I bought blaze winter boots and rain boots (bright blue, and she loves them) and a bag of older-generation ponies for both of the girls. i never thought I’d be at that point – buying a bag of ponies. we are becoming well-versed in this generation of ponies actually. me and jim had a pony face-off and I could name 20 ponies. I have conversations about ponies with Helias mom. and when Cordelia says “i want to watch the one where the green pony pulls the cart” or something to that regard, and its always something that’s happening in the background as filler, and only in one particular episode, and it has nothing to do with the story at all, but now i have to go and find that episode for her because NOTHING ELSE WILL DO. so i am getting up to date in the pony trivia that would match a real brony.
dreadlocks – they are getting long. brushing my shoulders now. double the length they were a year and a half ago. but they are also shrinking fast and trying to imitate professional contortionists. i found one in the back that had turned a U-turn. they are getting thicker, i can tell because i can’t gather them all in one hand anymore. i re-hennaed those four on the side the other day and considered hennaing the whole lot of them again except it would be so much damn work to do so. i have to come to terms that they will always be fuzzy, no matter how much i keep trying to relentlessly work in the frizz. stressing over them is not the point though. but i have never been so in love with my hair before. and i like that i can wake up and not pay any attention to them, and then wake up the next day and still not pay any attention to them. sometimes they are in the same ponytail for three days. i can be getting in the car to take the girls to school and think ‘hmm i haven’t done anything to my hair in three days. its awesome that i have hair like that”.
i tried one of those dreadlock deep cleans where you soak your head in hot water and baking soda for like half an hour. well my dreads are pretty clean i wash them twice a week or so and i dont fill them with wax or coco butter or gunk, but they still collect stuff over time because they are so dense. i have caught mine eating feathers actually. they get them out of my pillow at night. well the water looked like what you get in the sink after you wash all your dishes after i had soaked my whole head. impressive. i have to be careful who i tell that too or else it will feed the stereotype that dreads are dirty and unclean. next year for Halloween I will be Medusa and work little rubber snakes into them.
i have also hit on this new skin care tip – honey. smear a chickpea sized amount of honey all over your face and let it sit for 5 minutes. then wash it off. its sticky so it pulls the dirt off. its not soap so it doesn’t dry out your skin and when you dry out your skin it overcompensates by making MORE oil. and because honey is mildly antibacterial and acts like hydrogen peroxide (its true!) its making a noticeable difference to my terrible teenager acne that i cannot shake even though I AM A DAMN GROWNUP WITH TWO KIDS YO. I DO NOT need to look like a 16 year old anymore, k thanks.
i put a pair of jeans back on, basically for the first time since Cordelia was born. I have worn jeans when required to (as in, on those days we haven’t done laundry in two weeks,) but its rare. so i put on a pair the other day and apparently its been a long time since Jim has seen my ass in jeans. he made a funny face when i walked into the room, then sidled up to me to be sweet with the addition of a little bum grab.
Its true, i am frumpy. yoga pants are not very attractive, and after three years of endless grey and black yoga pants i can’t imagine how he can still get it up. any new clothes that i come to own, after about two weeks of being in my presence turn frumpy. perhaps its becasue of my habit of wearing second-hand things that are already worn out. but i went into a mall with my mom a few months ago, went into two stores, was appalled at the prices, and said “enough of this. lets go to a thrift store”.
i actually have a new sweater. think of the sweater that Kyla would never wear. well that’s my new sweater. i saw it on the rack, walked away from it but it didn’t leave my mind. a while later i came back for it. lets be clear – it does not say “i am a grown up with two kids” oh no it does not. it says “I’m a 16 year old with terrible acne and my head in the clouds” I’ll let you guess what it looks like. go on, guess. no it does not have any of the ponies on it.
i think sometimes i can wear clothes now that i couldn’t pull of before because now i have dreadlocks. i think “does it go with the dreadlocks?” they put a positive spin on everything. but i have to be careful becasue they amp up the hippie look quite a bit, and its easy to overdo it. when i feel like being viewed as a successful GROWNUP WITH TWO KIDS i wear a super plain neutral t-shirt and make sure to not show of my armpit hair. like when i drop the girls off at school.
i have a violin! at some point i will start lessons. crazy. i am the last person who should attempt such a difficult instrument after failing at guitar. those who fail at guitar should quit while they are ahead, not go on to something 10 times more complicated. (for starters, it doesn’t even have frets). besides i dont even like the noise that a classical violin makes. i want to fiddle.
i think the neighbours are in for a real treat.