slow day home with girls. thankfully, they are good at plying together so i can noodle around and not do a great deal of much at all. and feel guilty about it, thinking of all the single mothers out there. i am deeply spoiled by my current situation, and haven’t worked out why me quite yet.
blaze has just left with jim to meet opa for a blue jays game, leaving me and coco home for a date night in.
today i stated off by going downtown for my appointment, then came back up in time for Jim to leave. Fed everybody some lunch, took out the garbage, did the cat litter, then got them down to nap (one of them at least. no nap for C today) both girls decided to sleep in different places, so i stayed in the kitchen, knitted a boob and watched a BBC doc about people eating shitty food and basically dying from it, and how eating real food saved their lives (surprise?). after nap, girls had a bath and I went through the girls clothes, put away a tiny bit of laundry, and found a bunch of odd things for freecycle in the wardrobe. i then intended to move onto reorganizing and gutting the closet – took one look at the closet then shut the door again. its a bigger task than i had thought, and too much for a day at home with both girls. i rounded up all the half-eaten nectarines that blaze drops behind her in a trail throughout the whole apartment, and ate them covered in yogurt and honey. jim came home and made some dinner. i tried to take the girls out, but they fought me because they were happily playing hide-and-seek in the cupboard (for the record, i did try to be a model mother and take them out to play. it was their idea not to) later girls took to jumping on the bed and having a giggling fit for a long time. C burned her fingers on the hot oven door after being told like 65 times not to touch it. packed dinner for B and fed cheesy pasta to C. Jim and blaze leave for the game.
to me, that’s a lazy, slovenly sort of day. i need more in my day to feel it was successful. at the end of days like this i feel like i didn’t get enough done at all, and get angry at how much time i wasted. a stay-at-home moms life, i thought, was supposed to be harder than this. and it used to be. much harder. the girls are getting older and I’m finally getting that easy lifestyle back. i was thinking that this is why most kids are approx 2-3 years apart or so – it starts to get easier and you feel like you could do it all over again. i am definitely craving my third, but i am also happily limited by our number of bedrooms and the fact that i’m trying to launch two businesses at the same time, i do want my third baby (boy this time, okay universe?), but i am content right now in having my quieter, easy time. just enjoy this, and my girls right now, before piling more on your plate. (im also telling myself: and get yourself off citalopram and get your own shit sorted out, or else that future baby will toss you straight back in again)
on that citalopram note, i met my dr today and she asked “how have you been” i said “good. i’ve been happy” and she gave me a funny, half-smiling and sweet look, “that’s the first time you’ve answered ‘happy’ when i ask you that question.” i do like her a lot. it feels like this time it’s going to change.
the only thing i am absolutely going to do before the end of the evening is mix a new batch of henna for Sunday’s party. maybe i will tack onto that fill the dishwasher for all the days dishes.
the long list of other things that need to get done (including the girls closet) is trailing out behind me in my head. I just don’t manage to get to all of it in one day, even though I could totally do it if i bucked up and made a half-assed effort. i am also tired of doing the same thing every day. as most of what needs to be done I did 7 times this week already.
edit; okay me and C watered the garden, chatted it up with the neighbours (c was naked but held her own end of the conversation regardless – like one of those weird dreams that you sometimes have) and put away the laundry. feeling better, but still not good enough to call it a successful amount of effort for one day.
and for the record, blaze is very serious about baseball.