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changes November 30, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 11:33 am

i poked around a bit in the dashboard section, and found the part where you can see how many ‘views’¬† the blog has had and which links they followed to find you and what they searched for in google.

its the google one that made my heart freeze. apparently people have been searching ‘naked little kids’ and similar terms and come here. now i can’t say why people are looking for naked little kids, and it could, honestly, be entirely innocent, but it made me sober up a bit. (someone else was looking for ’35 weeks pregnant’, another search was ‘bling hair bands’. can’t say i likely fulfilled the bling hair bands one.)apparently theres something like 15 people coming here on average every day. i know some of you in person, but who are you, my additional 11 lurkers? i don’t think it counts myself seeing my own homepage either.

a friend of jims sent him a link a couple of years ago of some naked korean girl who had taken her photo in her bathroom mirror, telling us that korean girls were hotter than other girls, heres proof. i got angry and felt sad for the girl.  i am pretty certain that she did not do this in order for it to circulate the internet and end up somehow getting to us, among likely lots of other people. maybe she emailed the photo to her boyfriend or something. the internet spreads too far, too quickly.we are always suckered into thinknig that sicne we are privately at home by ourselves, the internet is a private place where nobody can find us.

while we do have a couple photos of cordelia while she does indeed not have any clothes on, i do not have any naked pictures of my kids here for a specific reason. i do not want my girls to circulate around like that korean girl did. i do not want their image ending up in the wrong places, with ‘see, arent blonde toddlers hotter?” but still, i do not want to find out later that i made a mistake that compromises them in any way, so this is enough push for me to start locking some of the posts here. i have been considering this for a while but its not like theres often anything here thats worth much or would be interesting to more than a handful of people, so i havent bothered.

so – for those of you who i know who you are, i’ll email you the password. if you are one of my 11+ lurkers and want to see all my posts and are a nice, friendly person with no strange intentions, then by all means let me know who you are and i’ll let you in too. i do like new friends or even like-minded people who are curious about my life. for those of you who don’t get the password emailed and have been reading this (and i know who you are in person,) let me know that you are here cause it would be so easy to miss you unintentionally, and i dont actually want to keep you out.

it just started snowing.


November 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 7:11 pm

digging this one back up again. the stories make me cry.


aaannnd hate society. fuck you, society. its your fault. i hate you, la senza ads. i hate you i hate you i hate you.


Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 4:39 pm

“mommy dad-dad! mommy dad-dad! dad-dad, mum-mum. mum-mum. mommy. mommiieeeeee…. dad-dad!”

she is testing out our names too. jim is pretty definitely, solidly ‘dad-dad’ whereas she hasn’t settled on me yet. sometimes i think she gets them mixed up, which makes sense – we dont need different names, we are ‘primary caregiver’ and she knows who we are. we can have the same name. we were both dad-dad for a little bit and occasionally jim is mum-mum. i wonder what this culture would be if both parents were called by one name, like she started off wanting to.


November 27, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 1:48 pm

jim took the girls on a walk, each of them in a tiny little rain jacket. i am eating a great deal of gelato by myself, trying to catch myself before the next wave of depression settles in for a couple days. i didnt feel capable of dealing with the girls all day yet, need some time to myself to re-ground myself first. i did really well all last week but its coming back again now. i didnt sleep enough and i didnt eat very well and its overcast, and thats all it needs.

ive been finding some evidence suggesting that sometimes a depression can be kicked with a vitamin D3 supplement. in my head i am trying to rationalize this, is this my answer? is this what i need? i did stop drinking milk, after all. except that there is very little conclusive evidence, much more of it is conflicting. it seems to be kinda like a placebo effect in some cases and not helpful in others. still, i’ll take a placebo effect if it means that something changes.


November 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 5:07 pm

she has just started to say ‘coco’, except its a very harsh k-sound, or a g. “go-go”. for some reason it really tickles me to hear her refer to herself, watch her test out the sounds of her own identity. i tried this in the mirror ‘wheres coco?’ – “go-go! go-go!” grinning and touching her reflection.

the sign for dad and the sign for cow happen in the same place and, if you are just a year and a half old, could look very similar and be hard to replicate. she knows the sign for dad and has started using it, having a few minutes yesterday afternoon where she asked over and over for him, not satisfied with ‘he’s at school. we’ll see him later,’ (she echoes back to me, “dad-dad kool” but i dont think she understands) . yesterday she was looking through her big farm book and stopped at the cows. “cow” i showed her the sign. she laughed and said “dad-dad! dad-dad dad-dad dad-dad!” and jabbed her finger at the cow over and over. and then i realized that to her, i just made a funny joke – That cow is dad-dad! she thought this was great.

even though i know how fast kids acquire language, i am still amazed, every day, at how fast. how fast she changes, how fast they both change. looking at blaze now and imagining her to be as amazingly advanced as Cordelia is now in less than a year and a half. and Cordelia, in a year and a half, even more so.

this morning, jim had an argument with her about whether a pig is a rabbit or not. he managed to convince her. “eig, eig.”same farm book.

on my way home i picked up another package of overnight diapers – what a scam. cordelia in a cloth diaper overnight usually means two things – definitely a rash by the morning, nearly always soaking through to her clothes and sheets. she wakes up in a damp puddle of too much pee at some random hour of the night and i have to change the sheets. so we go with special (aka just-the-same-as-the-rest diapers but with more nasty super-absorbent gel) overnight diapers. these things are nearly a dollar a diaper, my god. theres no reason for them to cost this much other than they can. i can’t imagine what you do if you have significantly less money than we do, cause its not like cloth diapers are very cheap either. cloth diapers, i fully realize, area privilege, especially ours. at about $23 per diaper and another $8 for each additional liner, our diaper collection costs just under $900. the truth is that they are saving us money in the long run, but in the short run, its not likely that the people who need to save the money can afford the expensive cost of the diapers in the start-up. nor will they be able to wash, care for, or even be concerned about the reasons to use cloth diapers in the first place. priorities depend very much on income. disposable diapers work out to be about $0.50 – 0.75 per diaper, slightly less for newborns cause the diapers are small and you can fit like 70 of them in one package. i think though, because of the rate that a newborn goes through diapers (like 10-12 in 24 hours) than overall, the cost of diapering is about the same every day. so we are paying, about $500 per girl for them to wear cloth diapers about 90% of the time, with the occasional disposable diaper thrown in. because we can afford it, we are rewarded. if you cant, you get punished by having to pay more in the long run.

and oh man there are some concerning things to be found in the diaper aisle. this particular pharmacy i went to has very small selection so the only option for cordelias overnight diapers were the huggies (aka more expensive brand) pink princess training diapers that slide on and off like underwear to aid in potty training (erm, our potty training is going just fine without this added great feature, thanks for continually telling me i’m doing it wrong and preying on parents insecurities, diaper (and just about everything else for babies) manufacturers). there were boy options for the same diaper with cars on them, but they were too big or else i would have been tempted to pick those ones instead, just to stick it to the gender-stereotyping man. yes, we are raising her to be a cross-dresser.we even gave our second daughter a ‘boy name’.

but thats not the concerning part, that’s just annoying. (i told Cordelia when i changed her diaper later, “i bought you pink princess diapers! you don’t even know what a princess is yet!” and i cannot imagine why any child under the age of two needs to know what a princess is, even if they are one.) the concerning part is that right next to the princess diapers is a package that claims that the diapers have a ‘cooling sensation’ when the child pees, so they can feel that they just peed. yeah, im on team WTF for that one. excuse me i do not want anything that is going to offer a suspicious¬† ‘cooling sensation’ on my kids skin, kay? what is that stuff, anyway? freon? also, if you didnt make the diapers full of super-absorbent polymer gel the kid would feel when they peed. in fact i believe that feeling uncomfortable when she is wet is a huge reason why cordelia has started to pretty much potty train herself. cooling sensation- radiator fluid? the blue hot-cold icepack gel? i am so thankful that i am not desensitized to the world of disposable diapers. i made sure my princess diapers did not have any coolant in them and then paid my $23 and change and left.

if we were using these huggies princess training diapers all the time, as they would like you too, then cordelia would go through about 6-8 of them in a day. it would cost us $42-56 per week in diapers. please, please always remember – the people who make things like baby food and diapers and the sorts of baby equipment that works on a parents fear are not your friends. they just want your money.


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Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 11:11 am

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November 21, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — springtwist @ 7:25 pm

jim took blaze to change her diaper. i heard this from the other room: “oh you did a big poo! what a lovely poo!”

yup. we can now use ‘lovely’ to describe poo without a second thought.