jim took the girls out for a really long walk and i cracked down heavily on those dishes, conquering nearly all of them. i dont mind dishes if i can plug away at them without somebody needing my attention or crying right at my feet – it becomes meditative if i am alone and its nice and quiet.
this i remember. blaze woke up to eat around 5 in the morning, i made the mistake of getting up to get a drink of water and thats it, im up now. i waited around in bed until nearly six before accepting it, my mind now too busy to go back to sleep. possibly i will regret this later, but insomnia is apparently a very normal thing to go through with a young baby – and i don’t mean that the baby is keeping you up, i mean the type of insomnia that happens even when the baby is sleeping. maybe i have just learned to function on six hours of sleep (six hours seems like a lot these days) and dont need more anymore. i remember another mother telling me, ‘i set up little stations in the house of things that need to be done, little projects, so that when i cant sleep i can have something to do thats productive.’
a few weeks ago we got a gift for blaze which was a light-up ladybug which projects stars on the walls and ceiling (in three differernt colour options!) cordelia thinks this is pretty cool and likes to turn it on and see the stars. in the daytime, she turns the ladybug on its back to see the stars on the floor when its too bright for the light to show up well on the walls. jim was getting her ready for bed and i was feeding blaze in the rocking chair and cordelia was running around naked, having escaped in between diapers. she picked up the ladybug and brought it to jim, wanting him to turn it on. jim turned the lights off and pulled down the blinds, cordelia hadn’t yet seen the ladybug in the dark. i have this vivid memory i keep returning to of seeing her in the dark, blue stars splashed all across her skin. she squatted on the floor with jim and inspected the ladybug intently, pointing to the stars on her body and grinning, trying to catch them in her hands.